A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So, been single for 3 years after a 9-yr LTR. Am now 38. And I have not been on a date in 2 years. I tried online dating for 18 months and got 2 dates out of it. Am a member of many clubs and have many hobbies. Meeting people is not an issue. Meeting SINGLE ones is. I have lots of female friends, all of them keep on at me and don't understand why I am single and I tell them - there just don't seem to be any single women in this area (or if they are, they are hiding). They disbelieve me - so I ask them if they have any single friends they could set me up with. And then they realise they don't. All their friends are coupled. A company tried to set up speed dating here but gave up after two attempts due to lack of single women!What the hell do you do in this situation? Do I really have to uproot my whole life and leave friends and family behind to a much larger city to improve my chances? In my immediate area (within 10 miles) there is a population of 300,000 - you'd think there'd be SOME!!! Ah, yes, sorry - there are single mothers, but I don't want to go down that road. I am sure there are some lovely people but it just isn't for me (don't flame me, we're allowed preferences) having been burned before.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 There's a shortage of women? Now I've heard that too. I didn't think that would happen unless you live out in a rural area. In which case, the men here in Norway travel to the bigger cities to find a woman. Then they marry her and move back home with her. That's how we populate the districts here, haha! Maybe you need to do the same? Go hunting where the game is, and not where there's none left? It seems to be the obvious solution.
And then there's always the mail order brides.
No need to uproot your life though, just take some vacations in your nearest bigger cities. Play with the idea of having a girlfriend in another city, perhaps you will meet her on weekends to begin with. Then as you get to know each other maybe one of you will move to be together, which isn't completely wild. People move all the time. I think if there are no women where you live, unless you want to be single, you need to soften up to the idea of potentially moving. Maybe not right away, but later down the road perhaps.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 One of the best places to look for hot babes in that age group is your local library!!!! (Seriously!!!!).....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Well I'm not sure what to advise you further about WHERE to meet these single women in their 30s..
have you considered single women in their 20s or 40s?
have you considered older single women who have raised families or are you interested in eventually having children of your own? (if you are what is the problem with single moms?)
also why the 10 mile radius limit?
seems to me you say
single women in their 30s
within a 10 mile radius
no children
that's a very small pool of fish....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): OP those are problems you can have with any woman not just single mothers.
I say definitely put them back on the menu. It's just the nature of dating OP, any woman can be in love with her ex or go back. I know the problem you may think is that the "daddy" is still around and perhaps that makes you feel more weary. There was also the other that wanted a new daddy but those are rare in my experience. I've dated two and one was a long term girlfriend, we had a great relationship, her daughter was lovely and we only ended out relationship because it petered out but it was a lovely break up, a nice end to a great relationship.
You've done the single mother thing, you know the issues that can arise from it and you are by far better prepared for it now based on your experiences. Some single mothers don't have the baby daddy in their life, others are fiercely independent, others don't get on well with their ex, the list goes on, they're as varied as childless women. Don't let past bitterness or experiences put you off. You'll see the signs sooner this time and will get out quicker.
All I can say to you is put them back on the menu, it's like if you dated a certain race of woman and had bad experiences with them, it's not a good gauge of what all women of that race are like. You've just had some shit experiences. I personally would be more weary of women with lots of cats haha.
Don't despair though, even with your rules you can find women to date. Just try how I did it, and literally start a conversation with any cute woman you meet or see anywhere you are.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Hi
Its funny but I hear women in their 20-40s who complain about the lack of men. Yes they drink in Bars (NOT bar sluts though!) Its just where they go to unwind after work,or at the weekend to see a band. They go to gyms,swim,follow hobbies,cycle etc yet still don't meet the elusive men.Their lives are pretty much up together too
I think you just have to go for it,ask women out wherever you meet them.As long as you don't come across as some weird desperado you will be fine. Why not try a singles holiday?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): On line dating is a joke now. Just not what it used to be, don't waste your time or money.
It's okay to have preferences, but you might want to open your mind a bit and see what all kinds of women are like, you might surprise yourself.
If you can't stand children or are certain children could never be a part of your life, then it's useless to date women with children, I understand that, but it surely closes the dating pool by a whole lot in that age bracket, even if you've been burned. That's being very closed minded if you think all women with children are the same or will do the same thing, whatever the experience you had that sent you into caution mode.
You are more likely to meet women you are interested in, in settings where you like to do things or have been meaning to do but haven't, so start doing them. Hanging out in bars will bring you bar sluts who hang out at bars all the time and men who hang out looking for the same thing, so it's not likely a good atmosphere to find a women of substance.
Pay attention at the grocery store, at any store you might go to and strike up a conversation here and there...you never know.
Have a dog? Go spend some time where other dog owners take their dogs. Into fitness? Join a gym and make some friends or join a class.
There a lots of single women out there, just open your mind, your heart and be yourself. The right one will come, you will see. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): At 30 or 38 most women come with little versions of themselves lol, as in children. It is not their fault that they like yourself are single and looking for romance..I do think you are being rather narrowed minded by being extremely selective..But you now have the task of basically biting the bullet and chatting to and flirting with any young women over the age of consent.. Yes you will get knocked back but such is life.A single women won't fall from the sky, so your going to go looking, join a gym, take up hobbies, go jogging (my friend met her partner this way) go clubbing pubbing, join a dating site.. These are just a few..Good luck on your quest
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): OP here - thanks for those comments.Cerberus - In the past I dated three single mums. The first was a nightmare due to issues with the former husband who just made life unbearable. The second was very definitely after someone to be a new daddy for the child. The third was different, was going very well, when ex-partner returned to the scene and she cheated on me with him. I had grown quite fond of the kids. When you split with a single mum, you can often lose more than the one person you are fond of. And no, I never met the kids until things were relatively serious.My ex of many years was quite a bit older than me and this because the issue over why we split. So I don't really want to go down that road again - all my female friends and the people I get on bet with are early-30s to my age, rather than 20s. That wouldn't stop me approaching someone I thought was attractive in the first place necessarily - assuming you ever saw one out and and about without a bloke!As I said, none of my female friends have ANY single female friends to set me up with. Believe me, I've asked. And of my closest 20 friends, 17 are female!! Abella - round here, the women only go in the 'women only' section of gyms, I already volunteer, do community theatre, sail, badminton, etc etc. There just never are any single women. It's bizarre.This is why I wonder about the area - you're in a city, I'm in a middle-sized town with another one close by.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): "Ah, yes, sorry - there are single mothers, but I don't want to go down that road. I am sure there are some lovely people but it just isn't for me (don't flame me, we're allowed preferences) having been burned before."
I'm actually quite interested in why that is, I never had issues with single mothers in any other way than the usual ways. Although I don't mind kids so maybe it's that. The only reason I wonder OP is because you really do take a out a massive chunk of your dating pool by removing them from contention. Of course we're all allowed preferences OP but you really are missing out on some truly great women this way based on being burned by a woman with kid before? Your life and your choices of course I'm not judging just wondering if there's a way you could add them back to your pool. I mean at your age there will be a lot of single mothers with children that are grown adults or nearly there.
I also wouldn't restrict your dating pool based on age, maybe the woman for you is in her 20's, you just never know. All I'm saying is that maybe your preferences are restricting you to this point and you will find the same difficulties no matter where you go OP. My city has less people in it and I've dated, been in relationships and shagged roughly 60 women from here but my dating preferences are different to yours, I don't give a damn about age, nor whether they have a child but I'm very strict on other things, no cheaters, no women with eating disorders or a history of self-abuse in any way etc. and I don't compromise on any of those. I look around and I see tonnes of women I could very easily chat up and ask out. Granted most of those are in their 20's but I'm closer to your age than I am theirs. My current girlfriend of 7 years is still in her 20's.
Where are single women? Everywhere, literally everywhere. I met one girlfriend at a bus stop for the first time. I dated another girl that worked in a shop near my apartment at the time, I've even stopped girls on the street that I thought were attractive just to get their numbers. Women are 50% of the population of this planet, they're literally everywhere and always available to be chatted up and asked out. The only place where they will congregate in terms of specifically looking for a man is bars and clubs.
I only have one rule when it comes to approaching women and that's if there's no ring on the finger then they're fair game unless they state otherwise.
Also if you have lots of female friends start getting them to set you up on blind dates and stuff. It's possibly the easiest thing in the world to find and chat up single women, I've only ever been single by choice, any time I wanted a girlfriend I just went out and got one. Seriously every woman is fair game as long as you're attracted to her and there is no ring, although a dumpy housewife with three brats running around her causing havoc is not my type of woman really.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Single women in their 30s go to many places.
But :
Be at the right place at the right time.
Chat her up as soon as you feel right about doing so.
The supermarket to shop = you can chat up a girl in a supermarket aisle
The gym = choose the treadmill next to the most attractive girl and make a note of what time it was, what day it was and visit on that day the following week. It is normal to talk to people at the gym, and even ask them out.
Some all girl things are wonderful places to join. As the sole male in the group you will get attention. When I joined classes to learn about painting on unfired clay a guy joined the group. He was all man. lovely guy. The ladies loved him, and eventually he asked one out. His plates were more manly than ours.
Join a volunteer group doing something good in your area, Something physically challenging. The girls will love one strong fit guy in the group. Clearing overgrown areas full of introduced weeds and replanting with local plants - both guys and girls are often interested in improving ghe environment.
join a group of people putting on plays in the community. They always need behind the scenes people to help and there are always lots of faspiring actors and actresses in the group.
And there will be times to socialise and get to know those girls in between the hard work.
Visit some of the Art Deco shows and exhibitions in the UK - as Art Deco is becoming more popular in dress and home decor and single girls in their 30s want their homes to look stylish. So they get ideas at these shows.
Take a class to learn a new skill at a local place - maybe one about cooking - you will get guys and girls in the class. Or better still ask the person enrolling you, "which subjects appeal to women in their 30s the most?" then enroll in that class if you think you might enjoy the class in it's own right.
= many opportunities to ask one of the girls out.
Girls are everywhere. You can chat them up while standing at an intersection waiting for the lights to chance.
You can chat to them if you see them regularly.
Chat up the dry cleaner's assistant
Chat up the receptionist at the doctors
Chat up a nicegirl who you see at the coffee shop
You have to ask a lot of girls before you achieve success. From then on you will become more and more successful.
But before you do: pay major attention to your hair - get a salon cut. you hair must always be clean. and smell clean,
Every single day of your life wash in hot water and wash every morning. Then put on deoderant.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): 10 minutes is a pretty small radius you take into consideration. I would consider at least an hour.
300k people is plenty, of course there should be some single women.
At your age though lots of women try to settle as fast as they can, as these are pretty much the final years to start a family.
You still can date a 30 years old, and where they hang out would be Gyms,
Sometimes clubs or bars, you see though not that many 30 years olds in clubs anymore, it's more for 20 something.
I belong to a language club, looks like I'm the only married woman there. Guys that come there thought I was lying to them about my husband until they saw him. We have single women there, but now when I think about
it, they are more like in their early forties.
Try a site meet up.com. I discovered that yes these people join them by interests but also lots of people there are single. They are like yourself have plenty of time to have hobbies and like ourself they are joining in hope to find someone that they have similar interests with.
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