A
male
age
51-59,
*atakrabun
writes:I met this woman with four children when she was still married and we emailed each other for a month before we finally met. On our first date she took me back home and after a short conversation she basically offered her body. Somehow I turned down the offer as sex was not the main intention of getting to know her.We met several times after that for a year when suddenly her husband died in a road accident. For the next six months I provided her with all the emotional support to keep her going and providing the assistance in planning for her family and the children's education. We finally had sex after the end of the six months and thereonwards I continue to provide her both the support and the assistance for the next 8 years or so. By the 9th year into our relationship the children's education have basically stabilised and the sex suddenly stop. I told her my concern that love without affection/intimacy will only kill a relationship but that doesn't seem to help. We had several discussions on the topic and she said that she no longer has any sexual desire. By the 10th year I told her that I couldn't continue with the relationship anymore and decided to leave her because I feel that there's no more give and take and felt that all this while she is just using me to keep her family going. She begged me into giving her a second chance but I told her to give me time to think about it.Question:-1. Am I being selfish to dump her or am I right?2. Since she is waiting for my response, should I give her a second chance knowing that we won't be having/enjoying sex anymore? (Note - It has been 6 months now since we broke up and I have not been having any sexual relationship with any new partner because I'm not the womanising type and neither have I been visiting prostitutes.)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 October 2012):
 if she has refused to try to fix it then you really have no choice but to end it.
does not matter what the reason is...
A
male
reader, katakrabun +, writes (10 October 2012):
katakrabun is verified as being by the original poster of the question She insisted that the sexual relations can no longer be there and seem to be giving several other excuses. So it appears that there could be other reasons which I dare not think of.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 October 2012):
are you trying to force yourself to leave before you determine if it's fixable?
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A
male
reader, katakrabun +, writes (10 October 2012):
katakrabun is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSomehow I have to admit that the leaving part is quite tough considering the 10-year span of the relationship, that we used to love each other for that long and when thinking of those things we did together. I'm basically trying to force myself to leave her...a broken heart surely is difficult to handle.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Been there/done that.....
When the sex dries up, then so has the "relationship." Two people can't have a "relationship" in which one partner wants (craves, in some cases) a sexual aspect in it, and the other doesn't.....
Don't give it a second thought. Wish her "Good luck" and walk away....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 October 2012):
has she been to the doctor for a medical work up to determine if her lack of drive is hormonal?
if the ONLY reason you are leaving is lack of sex and affection, well then that's a personal choice only you can make.
for me I can cope without sex but affection is mandatory
however if she is over 35 and this is a new thing I think she needs a hormonal work up to determine if her hormones are unbalanced which could easily cause loss of sexual desire.
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