A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My bf and i have been dating for about a year. I think he has performance anxiety. He can get a erection fine, when we make out or when i give him oral, but as soon as we move on to penetration, he loses it. As a result, we have yet to have sex. I love him dearly and understand that sex is not everything, but i really want to be with him, physically and mentally. I don't know what to do, i have tried getting him to relax and told him its okay it happens to everyone, its okay, i'm willing to work with him for as long as he needs. But he doesn't seems to want to try anything other than hope that one day, it'll magic stay hard. I tried suggesting alcohol, but he doesn't drink and doesn't want to. I tried watching porn with him. Giving him a massage. The last thing i can think of is asking him to go see the doctor, but he doesn't want to. but he tells me he's uncomfortable telling the doctor about this, what can i do?
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Will he try enhancements like steel libido or ejaculoid? Ive tried those n they helped somewhat in the sense of getting hard but nothing for anxiety. If hes insecure in how he looks like myself that.could be a cause.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 It's very possible this is a side effect of his using porn. The number of guys in their 20s reporting erectile problems due to porn use is skyrocketing. This is because they've been masturbating to very graphic video for 10 years using a strong grip: the 'lesser stimulation' of a normal girl and her vagina can't compete. During our teen years our sexual preferences are defined: porn can replace 'sex' at a deep level in our brains.
It may not be this of course, but it's a distinct possibility.
I suggest reading this site for more information:
http://yourbrainonporn.com
Especially this part:
http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-question
It provides you with enough information to tell if this is indeed the cause, and also ways to get past it. Summary: he should lay off all porn for at least 3 months and see if the problem improves. If he's unable to quit porn then there's a big clue right there.
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