A
female
age
36-40,
*eezy41
writes:Hello All, I have been talking to this guy from work almost 3 weeks. On our 2nd date, I made a mistake bringing it up where was his craziest place to have sex? Since that time he started to text me that he wants to hold me ... EtcLast wednesday, i waited him to leave his work and we went to his house and kiissed and cuddled. He was almost taking of my pants but i stopped him and said I'm sorry, i can't sleep with you cause i don't know where we need to stand. He apologized from me and that he respects me.So i left his house. Since 2 days, he barely texts me.Today one of my friend told me he exchanged the phone number with a girl.Then i asked him if it is true and he explained to me what happened.This weekend, he didn't ask me out I dont know how to react because i really like him. Should i text him first or wait for him to text me? I will see him at work on monday maybe i should just wait.I want to have a relationship with him but how am i going to know him bettter if he barely texts me? Look i even asked him 2 question about what he likes and he did'nt even ask me what i like.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2015): From your description of the connection you have with this guy, only you are making suggestions about a possible relationship. I see no evidence he is even remotely on that page. It all comes back to him trying to have sex with you.
I'm going to give you my honest opinion. I think you're a lot more into him, than he is into you. You're making it a challenge for him to get sex from you, but he has no feelings other than sexual-attraction. In the end, I see you giving in; because you think it's going to make him like you. It won't. He'll put a notch on his bedpost, and you'll be that scornful female co-worker who got played. Sometimes OP's have to learn the hard way. Blinded by liking someone who doesn't have the same feelings in return.
A
female
reader, deezy41 +, writes (10 May 2015):
deezy41 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay so on the same day, i asked him if he exchanged the number and he explained to me that he got the girl's mom number so he can use the desk phone to make a phone call for her. Idk maybe i should believe his word cause my friends only saw him writing the phone number.On that day, he asked me to go out and i said no and said nxt time. So we went out yesterday to smoke hookah. We talked and kissed. He controlled himself but i couldnt help him to finger me. Then he asked me to go his house to sleep but promise that he wont force me. I said no again.Idk at this point where to stand. He does texts first to say gm or hows my day going? But day by day, i know him litle bit more. I do not usually text him and ask him questions but at least i know what he likes to do in his spare time or what to eat or what to expect in a girl or what pushes him away.We will go on a trip at the end of the month since we both work at the airlines I am not planning to sleep with him and he knows that cause i told him i only sleep with guys who i am in a relationship. I dont know when i should ask him where we need to stand.Maybe i should wait till after that trip.And i shouldnt show him too much interest on him right? What guys like in a girl if they really like the girl? What makes guy chase the girl?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 May 2015):
 My guess?
He was looking to get laid and ready to give it a 3 "dates" effort, but when you said no, he figured you wouldn't be an easy lay after all, hence the looking for another girl (getting phone numbers).
Sorry, but I would NOT contact him again. I would be professional at work, NOT more. Not chatting, no nothing.
It's been 3 weeks, no big deal, just DO NOT waste any more time or effort on him. He turned out to be a dud.. It happens.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 May 2015):
 You guy is playing the "3-date" scheme brilliantly.....
The "3-date" ploy works like this: Guy has a couple of dates with a girl. They go well. On the third date... EVERY GIRL knows that she is expected to put out. YOU, resisted. (Good girl!)...
NOW, he has you "on the ropes." YOU don't know if he really likes you, at all. HE knows that you DO like him... and would like matters to proceed. THEREBY, he is now in the "power" position..... such that, if you and he DO have another date... then you will feel compelled to put out for him.. since you KNOW that he expects it....
Don't play the game.... don't worry if he NEVER contacts you, ever again...
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2015): From what you've said in your post, it seems he's only interested in getting into your pants. You didn't give it up, so he lost interest altogether. If there was any romance to be had, he'd continue taking you out on dates and woo you the right way.
He didn't waste any time offering his number to another female. Trying to start romances on the job is always heading for trouble. You'll get your feelings hurt, then you take that non-sense to the job and everything gets awkward.
It gets even worse after you've had sex, and he decides to move on. Then you'll feel bitter and scornful; and want to demonstrate your disgust for him. That would be unprofessional, and you'd be bringing your personal soap opera to work. Bosses don't like that kind of stuff going on in the workplace. It's disruptive, a legal liability, and no one has to put up with it.
Be a grown-up and rollback your feelings. He's not worth the trouble; and you shouldn't be messing around with guys you work with. You may have feelings, but it doesn't seem he has the same kind for you. When on-the-job dating doesn't work out; then you can't face him, or you're uncomfortable being around each other from that point on. Like you are now!
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (9 May 2015):
 Give him space....................act indifferent. the more you show you care the more he feels like he is in control over you. It's possible he was expecting sex from you since you were comfortable enough to bring it up on the second date and now he is disappointed and acting out. Perhaps he lost interest, perhaps he is playing with your head or perhaps he really has a legitimate reason why he has not contacted you. if you act clingy or needy you will just push him further away. DO YOUR OWN THING, KEEP YOURSELF AND YOUR MIND OCCUPIED SO YOU DON'T OBSESS OVER HIM. Let him contact you if he wants and when he does don't be too eager or available. Next time you talk to him just apologize for possibly leading him on and disappointing him but also tell him you don't give that part of yourself away that easily. tell him you need to build a foundation first and then intimacy can come. Make a lot of statements about how YOU feel . don't demand things from him, just have him hear your needs and then listen to what he has to say. Three dates is not long enough to constitute a relationship so dont expect to see him for every second of his free time yet. you are still in the getting to know each other and building comfort level stage. Take it slowly hun................you might not even like him once you get to know him better and vice versa!
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