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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am stressed and desperate. Shortly after giving birth to our baby, I confirmed my suspicions that my 28-year-old fiance had been seeing another woman. He promised it was over. I spoke to her and she said the same thing. I hoped that would be the end to a very sad chapter in our lives together. It wasn't. I have caught him communicating with this woman over and over again for the last two years. Each time there was some excuse or reason as to why this communication was neccessary and a promise to never talk to her again. My heart was shattered when I found sexually explicit photos and text messages from this woman, proving there was more than phone calls going on. The messages I have found include urges to leave me and promises from her to wait for him forever. She has expressed a desire to have his child and to build a life with him. He admits to nothing, swears this lady is insane, etc. This is obviously causing me constant stress and grief. We fight a lot and mostly about this. We no longer have a sex life to speak of. I am increasingly angry, bitter, depressed and resentful. I believe the guilt and the pressure this woman is exerting on him have really made him change as a person. He is not the man I met. I have asked him to choose and move on. I have asked him to leave. He won't. I could relocate or force him out with a court order, but I want my child to have a father around. As much pain and grief as he has caused, my dearest wish is to find some way to get this all behind us so I can work on forgiving him and we can rebuild our relationship. Only this is, of course, not possible given that he is still seeing this woman, despite what he says.I am also extremely angry with this lady. She has become very aggressive and has taken steps to hurt me and interfere directly in my life. How can anyone do this to someone else's family? I just do not know where to go from here, aside from totally disrupting our lives, leaving my good job and packing our bags for a cross country move.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2007): Thanks for the input. Being that she doesn't really contact me very often, it is my man who needs to get a restraining order. He has promised to do this more than once, but never followed through. We have also considered the phone number change, but he owns a very public business and unless he went to work doing something else his number would still be circulating. I can change our home numbers, but the real issue is her constant efforts to contact him.
I agree that she will say or do anything to get him. The problem is that, based on all the lies, I no longer know what to believe. For example, the three of us had a great, lengthy family vacation and I came home feeling like there was some hope for us. My baby and I happened to have left a week prior to my fiance to visit some relatives. A couple of days after our return this sick woman text messaged me to say that she and him had "a great week together". I was so mad I accidently erased the message.
She is totally devoted to trying to hurt me and break us up. No relationship should have to exist with someone so anxious to destroy it hovering around. I know the blame ultimately rests with my fiance, but how can I not hate her? How do people justify this kind of behavior?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2007): She sounds like the 'bunny boiler' from Fatal Attraction! You need to have a word with the police, just in case she takes matters further and you or your child get hurt. Your bloke did not change his phone number, kept in contact with her, recieved explicit photos etc. He is as much to blame for the ways things have turned out. Tell him you are going to see a solicitor, and go. Get him out of the house and move on with your lives.If she wants him so much then let her have him. They sound like they deserve each other. You, my dear, deserve a whole lot better and should go out of your way to get it. Get him and her out of your life and you and your child move on to bigger and better things.Get rid!!!!
Take care and let us know how things go.
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2007): That's terrible, is there anyone you trust that you can talk to and get heartfelt advice from? Whatever happens don't let that woman do anything physical. All the best
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2007): I really feel for you Ive just found out my partner is seeing another woman and had a baby with her she wont accept its over and keeps texting him. In your situation your fiance could have changed his mobile number,done more to prevent you from going through all this stess.
The trouble is everytime they are out of the house you think theyre with her and once the trust has gone its very hard to get back. Could you get an injunction taken out against her, to stop any harrasment you are experiencing.
At the end of the day dont believe a word she says all she wants it to get her hands on your man, you need to know is he having a relationship or not and getting the truth out of a cheater is the hardest thing, I really wish you luck its such a horrible situation to be in.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2007): Get a restraining order to keep her out of your lives,she would be violating the order by even contacting your man by phone or text.She is then putting herself at risk of being arrested.
This may seem a bit harsh, but if she really is harrassing your man against his wishes, then this might be the only way to get the message across to her & keep her away!
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