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Where can my bf get help for his anger problems??

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 April 2006) 4 Answers - (Newest, 22 November 2007)
A female , anonymous writes:

Hi,

My boyfriend has got anger problems, hes fine until we have an argument and then he starts to push me and he has grabbed me by the throat before. I would like to help him... but where can he go??I have sent him to his local docter and that was no help. So... my question is: where can he go to get help??

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007):

the answer to this is total rubbish. i myself am 30 and never before have i ever had any angry feelings toward a woman untill recently when my girlfriend of 1 year pushes me that far that i hit the walls or throw a mug but never in numerous relationships before has this happend so answer me that why now does one woman drag me to these extremes?????????

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007):

tell hjim to got to a anger managment class and see if he is trying to get help if so forgive him and tell him next time if anytime he gets angry you will be done with him

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A male reader, Napoleon +, writes (1 May 2006):

Napoleon agony auntYour bf may be a domestic violence batterer. Certainly from what you have described, he has committed domestic violence batteries against you and his grabbing of your throat would be prosecuted as a violent felony where I live. Trying to choke (strangle) you is extremely dangerous behavior because it is extremely easy to kill someone this way - even accidentally.

Some of the indications of a potential batterer personality include: excessive jealously, controlling behavior, substance abuse problems, violence in batterer's past with himself and/or within his family, threats or attempts at suicide, low self-esteem, threats of harm to you or someone you love - including a family pet, harming someone you love - including a family pet, violent rages, and narcissist personality characteristics.

These are some of the common characteristics but not all have them. If the violence is followed by apologies and promises that it won't happen again - be worried. That is the classic cycle of violence. If the violence is followed by more violence an/or blaming you for the violence be even more worried.

As far as treatment, it sounds like your bf needs counseling. I would recommend taking him to your local mental health center and asking for a psycho/social assessment. If your bf has substance abuse probems (drinking/drugs - especially when he does the violence) you can also have him undergo a drug/alcohol assessment to determine his level of addiction and the appropriate treatments. This can be coordinated through his GP.

But fundamentally, your bf has no right to hit you or hurt you and he needs to be willing to get the help necessary to end this unacceptable behavior. You are a special person who deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. That should be what relationships are all about. Good luck.

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A female reader, Aunt Audrey United Kingdom +, writes (30 April 2006):

Aunt Audrey agony auntIt sounds as if your boyfriend could do with an anger management course. If you get him to go and see his GP again, he should be able to point him in the right direction. If he had no joy with the last GP he saw, he might want to see another one who might be more sympathetic, and more understanding.

Good luck!

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