A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been single now for well over a year and while I am not miserable and moping about it (I am enjoying life as it is) I do really want to be dating and ideally meeting someone for another relationship (my previous lasted 8 years). Trouble is I just don't meet anyone and I'd like some ideas about the best ways that really can work.I don't meet anyone through work because I don't work in a big office or a particularly public-facing job. None of my female friends have any single friends they can hook me up with. Internet dating has proved a washout and no single women in their 30s ever joins any of my clubs and I have even tried changing clubs or belonging to several clubs (ie several drama groups, several badminton clubs) at the same time. I'm always out and doing things with friends but if I ever meet anyone they are already spoken for. Where are all the 30-year-old single women hiding these days???Someone suggested salsa dancing or going to the gym but I really hate both of those and it would just be so obvious that I'm only there to try and meet someone. You can't ever come across well if you're not genuinely there because you enjoy it. I'm almost thinking moving is my only option to meet someone. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): If at all possible and if a fan - get a dog - great way to meet people or wander round a DIY store being helpful (to confused looking )on a Sunday. Only advice I can offer!Oh and the 30 something women are probably wondering where the available 30 something men are, same as every other age group wonder.......
A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (20 June 2011):
I would second travel as a good way to meet people. Being single also means that you are free to come and go as you please. Why don't you go on some sort of language course somewhere nice where you would like to visit- Spain or Italy would be my choice! Having done this in the past my experiences have been really positive. You are thrown together with a group of interesting people, and while some social activities are organised for you, you are also free to go off with the people you meet on your course. Bear in mind that everyone there is keen to make friends and meet others, so it is easy. I'm not saying this is a sure-fire way to find a date, however, it is a great way to meet new people and widen your social circle, as well as being a good learning experience in a new place. I have stayed good friends with people I have met this way.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (20 June 2011):
 Some travel can be a great way to meet others. During a work week the demands of work and sometimes the tension of deadlines means that our head space is not receptive to meeting a new partner. But on Vacation and in a different place, where all you can do is relax, is a great way to be in the right frame of mind to meet a new partner.
It is great that you are enjoying life and you have good friends.
And you have certainly joined some great community groups, but those initiatives have not yet helped you to connect with a lady. That can change.
And I can understand why you feel discouraged after having done the things that could have worked, but did not.
My thoughts are that I truly hope at least one suggestion below does help you find the woman of you dreams.
From your post I discerned that you have so much going for you. Such that you should have a line of happy ladies interested in meeting you.
So something else is going on here. And I am wondering if you have lost some confidence in yourself?
You shouldn't lose confidence when you have all the Aces in your hand.
Although you don't want to go to Salsa classes or the gym, trust me there will Not be a sign sprouting out of your head, saying 'looking for love.' The beauty of Salsa, and Yoga and the Gym is that all
three would relax you. And there will be ladies in all three places. I am thinking yoga and salsa each week will complement each other.
And, as per in the Vacation tip above,
when you are relaxed your face relaxes and your appearance becomes more approachable. And it becomes easier to interest a lady.
Also, be bold. Keep your eyes open at all times. Where you shop, get your car serviced, visit the post office, regularly visit the same place, neighbors, all are places where you can meet potential partners.
Don't be afraid to strike up a conversation. You may need a trusted friend to encourage you with practising some effective small talk tips to a new lady who you have not yet met.
Effective small talk can open doors.
You are meeting unattached women every day. You are coming across attractive women regularly. But you are focusing on the glass half empty (all the women are attached) instead of the glass half full (the women who are unattached).
There really are thousands of women under the age of 30-40 who are unattached and who go home to a home without a partner. There are lovely unattached women out there who don't go to bars, work hard at their jobs, some have children, some don't, but they work so hard to pay their bills and keep a roof over their head, such that they can be missed. But they still go to the Library,
Stand in line at the Post office, visit the Supermarket. Maybe even go to a Salsa class or visit a county fair.
I completely agree with you that online dating is not always successful. I know of three girls aged 30-42 who have used it and gave up on it. But I have since attended the weddings of all three of those girls. All of them married guys they had 'missed.' Those guys had been living in their community, but until they started keeping their eyes and ears looking, noticing, smiling at, and when appropriate, talking to unattached guys they thought they had to look further to find a guy. None of them were willing to go to Bars to find a guy.
Try to stay positive. Take stock of all your positives (i am sure you have many positive qualities) and assess any area where you might want to address.
You are motivated to find a new lady in your life. And I truly hope that you find great happiness in the future.
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A
female
reader, confused_alice +, writes (20 June 2011):
Hi there,I'm a similar age to you and also find it difficult to meet people. I also know lots of single, attractive women in our 30s and believe me we are not hiding! I've been there done it with internet dating or so I thought, until I went on Guardian Soulmates.com (am assuming you are British). Try the site, it's much better than any of the others I've been on (and I've probably done them all in the last 5 years!). The other thing I suggest you consider is meetup.com. It is a website which offers lots of different social groups in your area. Seemingly there are lots of single people who attend the events. Another thing is Spice (again in the UK), it's a social club with lots of events and I know that single people attend them. As for the gym, there is no way I'd go there to meet someone or attend salsa classes, neither of which I fancy. Very best of luck, it's tough in your 30s trying to meet someone and right now, I still don't know the answer!
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