A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So Ive been going out with my current boyfriend for 4 years, things have been pretty rubbish for the last 6months, he just seem not to be bothered at all..so everytime we have a row i text by ex, i still have feelings for my ex.. now i dont know how to stop the texting..or how do i realize if im happy or not in m y current position??? please helpmy ex has even told me he loves me, but he cant be with me...now i cant stop thinking of him
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (15 January 2009):
 Only you can answer these questions. You need to ask yourself; Do you love your current boyfriend? What was it in the first place that made you fall for him? What in your relationship has changed in the last 6 months? Do you want to save your relationship?
All those questions need to be answered before you can even begin to think about your ex. You have to go with your instincts - you will know deep down whether or not you are happy.
I am in a similar situation to you - whenever I fight with my current boyfriend I end up calling/texting my ex who still thinks of me as "his" (His words!) but cant be with me for a number of reasons. This charade has been going on for over 3 years now and it is so draining and painful. I have realised that I love my ex and my current relationship is just a substitute for the man I cant have so me and my current boyfriend have decided to go our seperate ways in June when our rental contract ends.
Even though we are going to split up I wont go back to my ex, even though I love him he wont get back with me so I have to try and get on with my life and prove to myself that I can carry on without a man in my life.
In your situation, do you feel like your current boyfriend is just a substitute for your ex? Or are you only thinking of your ex now times are bad? If you think you do have feelings for him then if they are real feelings they will have been around for the full 4 years, rather than only popping up when your current relationship is going through a rough patch.
Four years is a long time to be with someone, you need to think really carefully about what you want here. You must have been happy with your current boyfriend to stay with him this long, dont throw it away for some feelings you may or may not have.
But if your sure you have strong feelings for your ex and your current relationship has run its course then do the decent thing and end it. Then spend some time on your own, get everything together in your head before you even think about another relationship. You need to give yourself some time to get over your current relationshipl, four years is a long time and you will need to stay single for a while after.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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