A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently, a high school friend of my husband's has contacted him. He has had female friends before and works with lots of women, which I've never had an issue with so I'm certainly not the jealous type, but this woman gives me a funny feeling. Whenever he said her name or showed me her photo, I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. They had been talking, and I didn't want to say anything because I had no actual reason to feel this way, but this gut feeling got so intense I had to honour it and asked directly if they were ever just more than friends. Lo and behold, his reply was that they weren't exactly platonic friends, and she had performed oral sex on him when thay were younger, and she had a thing for him for years. He claims he didn't have the same feelings back for very long. He said if this made me uncomfortable then he wouldn't speak to her anymore and would delete her number. Of course I don't want him speaking to her.. I've had a bad feeling from the get go, but I'd feel like a really possesive and jealous wife if I do tell him to cut all ties. I've never been like that and I don't want that to be how he sees me, as insecure and possesive, but at the same time I hate how this is making me feel. What do you guys think I should do, leave their past in the past and let them be friends or am I not being unreasonable by, bluntly, wanting her to stay the hell away? Answers appreciated, thanks guys :) x
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insecure, jealous, oral sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2014): Agree with others. Accept his offer. He's married to you and your happiness is his priority. I think she could be trouble. Rekindling a friendship with a guy she always had a thing about is not good for him or you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2014): Ditto. Accept his offer of not talking to her. Don't feel bad. I'm sure he values your well being more than maintaining an old acquaintance.
You are not asking for the moon and you would give him the same courtesy if the roles were reversed.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2014): You should accept his offer of him not speaking to her of course.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2014): You are not being insecure and possessive, you are listening to your gut feeling…intuition. You honored that feeling (good for you!) and asked your husband about her. He told you she performed oral sex on him and had a thing for him for years. A woman's intuition is a powerful thing. Anonymous Female, this is what I would do…... I would approach husband, and lovingly remind him when he told me he would delete this woman's number if speaking to her made me feel uncomfortable. Then proceed to tell him she makes me uncomfortable. He then would say he would have no more contact with her, and with that, I would give an I appreciate you quick kiss on his lips. :)Most men know the difference between a woman who is insecure and possessive, and a woman who can sense another woman could possibly be up to no good. Anyway, it's not like you're telling your husband not to speak to the majority of women he knows, just that one.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 October 2014):
 He offered to cut contact with her. All you had to do was tell him you are uncomfortable.
They don't have to do anything or meet up. Just the mere mention of her is going to conjure up images of her sucking him. It's good that your husband knows his boundaries and cares about your feelings. Married people can have friends but they should be platonic friends. They should also stay away from old friends who pop up out of nowhere. You are not an insecure or possessive person although there are times when you feel that way in a relationship, which is normal. You don't want to censor friendships. You just want to improve the quality of your relationship. If you can be honest with your husband and share your feelings it's better than bottling them up for fear of seeming controlling.
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