A
male
age
36-40,
*lasmoid
writes:I *hate* my ex. I hate the year I wasted trying to work things out.I hate that I still worry every time the phone rings that it will be her.I hate that I let her pressure me back into a relationship twice.I hate that I let her steal my stuff.I hate that I didn’t tell her exactly where she could go for some of the things she said.I hate that I let her stalk me.I hate that I worry she’ll harass me in public using some cheap line like “I just wanted to say hi”.Actually, I don’t hate her; I hate how angry she still makes me and how much her crap still bothers me. I don’t want to be angry anymore. I want to find a way to get over it. How can I let go of this and be happy again?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011): Only when you let it go. It is an act of acceptance, that only you can do.
You really don't have to forgive, but it helps. But, you really have to accept.
Realize, no matter how bad she was to you, that there was probably a lot of shit in her life before you that created what you experienced.
Try this: Write down everything she ever did to you that you resent, every single thing, next to it in a separate column, write down what you do when you remember that and how you act out in that resentment.
Then, in a third column, write down what you wish you would do when you think of that action...your "best action".
Try to do the next right thing each day.
Don't let it into your next relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011): You didn't waste that year, you learned something.
One day she will stop ringing, just ignore her.
You had your own part to play in allowing yourself to be pressurised - look at that and think how you might improve yourself
All of these feelings will wear off, but you can't rush your own feelings, it's impossible
Don't have any contact with her, if she approaches you in the street walk off, and if she stalks you, threaten her with the police - and follow it up if she won't stop.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (8 July 2011):
Hi there. The only way to move forward from these negative feelings is to forgive her.
You don't have to call her and tell her this, but you need to forgive her in your heart.
One way to do this is to write a letter to her (but you DON'T send it), and write as if you are talking to her. Just say everything that you have said here - but without the hate bit - instead say that you felt angry or frustrated or not appreciated by all those things, when they happened.
Go through all the things she said or did that upset you, and forgive her for every one.
Then write in the letter, that although those things made you feel unappreciated, hurt, etc., that you loved her anyway, and you now forgive her and wish her all the best for the future.
Once you are satisfied with all that you've written and have read it a couple of times to make sure you haven't forgotten anything, then you can burn the whole letter in either a fireplace or an ashtray - until it's completely burnt.
It might sound kind of unusual, but it really is very cleansing, and helps a person to move on from any negative experiences in life.
Once you have forgiven her completely, only then can you move on to a better place.
You cannot move on however, until you have forgiven her. So until you do this, it's standing in the way of true happiness in future.
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