A
female
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*xTEASERxX
writes:Hi im 18 and with a 21 yr old man. its been 3 months now and when we had been together a month i found out he was still goin back to his ex. Even now people are telling me that he has been at his ex's flat. An enemy of my boyfriend had said that he seen my boyfriend Marc in his ex's(Tammy)bed the other week. One of my mates had seen txts off him on Tammy's fone a month ago which read " i love you, i want to be with you" I am devastated about all of this but he swears blind that he is not seeing her. He has asked me to get engaged christmas but im struggling of what to do. Tammy and i had arranged for one day to ALL meet up together to sort out this problem. I did do the wrong thing about a month ago and was threatening Tammy because of her constant txting with him. Marc claims that shes just a jealous ex but im finding it extremely hard to believe him. He always takes me out and pays for me and things like that, we even went with his mom and dad to a comedian show at a pub a couple of weeks ago. I have met his mom and dad 3 times and they really like me and are happy for Marc, but things r getting me down. I do honestly love Marc to bits and he says that he does too. We have even talked about getting a house together and settling down and have children. Im sick of feeling insecure and i have hardly got any trust for him because whenever he doesnt answer his fone i think he is with Tammy and i start to get paranoid and angry. I really am not this sort of person to be feeling things like this but lately i have been and i dont think its right at all. I recently had a big arguement on Marc but he seems to think things are OK but they are not. Im that desperate for Marc to have a lie detector test to prove that he is telling me the truth. I dont know if it was me being paranoid but the other night he claims he was at his uncles. He didnt answer his fone twice so i went round to Tammy's to see if he was there but she is really scared of me and wouldnt open the door and then she went into the bedroom and was whispering. The next morning Tammy's mate Nathan told my mate that Marc was there hiding in the bedroom. This is what me and Marc was argueing about but he seems to think that when all of us are together he will prove me wrong. Please help me! All this is putting me off going to see Marc or even phoning him and i cant carry on like this.
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christmas, engaged, his ex, I love you, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (9 October 2006):
 It sounds to me like too many people are getting involved in your relationship. They're all telling you things that your guy is supposed to be doing but you can never be sure that they're telling the truth. People like to cause problems for other couples and you've got to be strong enough not to listen and not to let them break you up.
However, it seems to me that your problems are more about what you are seeing too, not just what other people are saying. But would you be thinking these things if no one had put the idea in your head? Are you just becoming paranoid because of what people are saying and seeing things that aren't there?
I really don't know whether or not he's cheating. I'm a paranoid person too and I worry when he doesn't answer his phone etc but it's just silly because I know my guy would never cheat. I think you need to all get together and talk this out. Seeing them two together will tell you whether anything is going on or not. It's just a womans instinct.
On the other hand, it sounds like the trust has gone from this relationship anyway so maybe the best thing to do is walk away. It is my experience that, once the trust from a relationship is tested or broken, you never get that back, whether the accusations were true or not. It takes over your life so much and ruins everything you have so deeply, it rarely can be repaired.
Don't get engaged and spend some time apart. That way, if he wants to be with her, he can and you'll find out once and for all. If he waits for you as long as it takes, you know you're the one for him.
Good luck and I hope you can repair your self esteem after all this so it doesn't ruin whatever relationships you get into after this one. Stop beating yourself up, if he is cheating, it's better of you found out now than in a few years after your married with children.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2006): I would be more than happy to give you some advice but I got a bit confused while reading your problem. Could you possibly shorten it or re-word it.From what I gather, your boyfriend is cheating on you therefore you must end things with him. If a guy cheats he's not worth it. Just let it go. If he really cares for you he would not cheat. If you do not trust him to the point where you're questioning wether he's seeing his ex then I would suggesst that you end it. A relationship needs trust and if you cannot trust him then end it. You'll be a lot happier in the long run. I'm sorry if I only helped you with part of your problem but I did get a bit confused. I hope I have helped you a little bit though.
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