A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I need to know how to talk to men. Im 23 and single and this is because most men that know me think Im dull and boring. They only go out with me because they think Im physically attractive but have no personality. A few men have said this about me, that Im boring or I always moan and whinge, which always puts them off. I didnt realise I was like this so these comments have upset me quite a bit and destroyed my confidence with having conversations with men totally.I just need to know what men like to talk about and what interests them about a woman, apart from appearances.
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (10 October 2006):
 They certainly don't seem to be very nice men - I have been out with a few men whom I thought were boring, but thinking something and saying it are two different things!
If they came outright and told you just like that, they were obviously just plain rude, and it seems you have been unfortunate in the luck of the draw of choosing men.
When you talk to someone, do you talk about yourself, or keep a balance, and try to find out about them? I ask this because men can be vain, and they love to talk about themselves! Ok, most people do, people love a good listener, but it is something to consider. Also, perhaps you can (not 'plan' the conversation), but have a few topics up your sleeve to spike up the conversation a bit, and vary the things you talk about. (do you tend to talk too much about a subject/subjects which you may find interesting, but leave them cold?
You see, It is not something which should affect your confidence, but something you can do something about - and conversations have to work BOTH ways, so these men who find YOU boring are probably boring themselves - and rather than admit it, they prefer to assign the blame to you!
If it happens again - and I hope not - just tell them maybe it is not you, BUT THE COMPANY YOU KEEP!!
"It takes one to know one"!!
Good luck, and take care!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2006): Every guy has their different desires, plus it depends on the type of guys you like too.
For me, I can talk about anything depending on the mood and setting, and with whom I talk with. Whining and moaning and complaining about stuff - I can tolerate, but if it gets to the point where she whines, moans, and bitch about everything, then that turns me off quite a bit.
Eg: there's a girl who whines quite a bit, and she likes to drink for the sake of drinking. She's dynamic in the sense that she wants to try out everything - salsa dancing, outdoors stuffs, languages, bartending, and billions of other activities, but her mind isn't very dynamic and quite conservative in many aspects and restrictive - very linear. She's cute, and can be quite physically attractive, but I can't see myself dating her.
Anyway, what I was trying to get at here was in terms of balance - externally and internally. Mental, physical, and emotional. Ultimately, if all a female does is shop, club, drink her ass off, whine until all the dogs and cats run away, and talk mainly about her make-up, shoes, and how the other girl gave her an attitude, then geebus, no fudging way I would find her attractive long term.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2006): Do you put a lot of effort into your appearance? Maybe you should develop other interests. I don't mean to be unkind, but you're not going to discuss clothes and make-up with guys and if those are your sole interests what can you talk to them about?
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (9 October 2006):
 Stttooopppppp...you have a personality, you are not boring, you are not dull...they are just saying those things because you just happen to be incompatible with them...and lets face it, who are they to criticise you? Did they have such fabulous personalities anyway...if they told you that you are 'dull and boring' then perhaps not! They probably felt insecure that you were a pretty girl (who in their eyes could get any fella) and so they wanted to knock you down a few pegs...my oldest brother used to go and do this in bars years ago with his mates...focusing all their attention on the least pretty girl in a gang of friends to p*ss the pretty girl off (tragic). Put those 'how to get a fab personality in 10 days' books down, be yourself and stop trying to plan conversations ahead of having them. When you meet someone who is attracted to you for more than your physical attributes then you will both be inseparable. I can recall dates in my 20's which were 'torture' with me trying to think of something to say in advance and staring in my drink...maybe they thought I was dull, maybe I thought they were dull...it just means they weren't right for me and when my husband came along we could barely shut up for a second...my point is the same will happen to you...just give it time!
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A
male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (9 October 2006):
 Appearence is the least important quality I look for. I prefer the company of a woman with personality, sense of humour, likeminded.
I like to be able to talk about shared interests and always have something to talk about. I love to find out new things about my fiancee, so we usually just talk about her. I hate talking about myself.
I like somebody who is comfortable being themself and does not put on a front.
I would not listen to anything they say to you, I do criticize people sometimes, but it is always constructive. I think criticism without being constructive is nothing more than an insult. Just be yourself and do not change for anyone else, change because YOU want to change.
My fiancee always moans and whinges (hope she doesnt read this), but it is all part of who she is. On the plus side, it gives me another reason to laugh at her.
If a guy cannot accept you for who you are, then he is not the right guy for you, so don't let it worry you.
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