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anonymous
writes: I seriously need your help. I've been dating this guy for almost four years now and we have a few issues that I think are serious, and he doesn't. First of all he has a horrible temper when we argue - and the problem is that I just cannot back down and give him some "space" to clear his thoughts to calm down. I just cannot leave him alone. I find it hard to walk away when he said things that devastated me and he doesn't understand that these things hurt, but he needs his space after we argue and I have the hardest time giving it to him - please give me some suggestions for this thing I find so difficult!! And this is my other problem, he is good friends with a guy named... lets call him "Bryan" for now, and Bryan has a sister that had a "fling" with my boyfriend over 5 years ago... they slept together one night along time ago-and here's the thing - she lives right across the street & she's always over at "Bryan's" house, so when my boyfriend wants to go hang out with his friends at Bryan's house, I know that she'll be there in and out the whole time my boyfriend and his friends will be there...and this makes me extremely uncomfortable.... Any suggestions?? I trust him, I just dont know if I can trust her... PLEASE HELP ME!!!! He says not to care because he has no interest in her whatsoever and not to ever worry...but I still do. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2005): I had the same problem with my partner. When we argue I wouldn't leave him alone to calm down. I always wanted answers and wanted to know why he said such hurtful things, but realised that if I pushed him for answers. It would make things worse and more hurtful things were said if me and my partner argue. Now we take half an hour to calm down and think about what we both said and then when we are ready, we calmly talk about things and try and sort things out. If you don't give your partner space, you risk ruining the relationship. My partner almost finished with me once because he got so worked up because I didn't give him space to cool off. So next time you argue, go and do something round the house and calm down. Then talk to your partner about the problem, and also let him know your worries about his mate's sister. He will be willing to listen and if you trust him, then that's all that matters. Don't worry about something that happened years ago, just concentrate on your relationship now and remember he is with you and he loves you.
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