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anonymous
writes: Hi, I'm used to helping people with their problems but no good at my own. Hope u can help. Here goes.>I moved in with my fella and we have a really good relationship, well I thought we had been open, honest and faithful. I have anyhow. Some months ago, before we got engaged, I asked my loved one if there was anything he wanted to tell me before we went on. I wanted him to tell me something I knew already. He already knew it but when I asked him he said a definite No.Today, 9th feb 05, I have found out the truth. He did lie to me in the beginning. He said he's sorry but he only lied because he did not want to lose me. Even though he has not been to bed with another man, he was sexually abused when he was in a children's home which i knew about. But now he has finally confessed that he is bisexual even though he has not been intimate with another man. He says he feels this because the person who hurt him said he loves him. I have never hurt him and I love him and he can't understand how a person can love somebody without inflicting pain. I don't know what to do or whether to go on with the relationship. Iknow what I should do if someone was asking me but like I said, I am useless at helping myself with serious problems like this. Please help. I really do love him but all the thoughts going through my head when we're together making love etc: I can't hide, I keep thinking while we're together in bed that he's thinking of another man. Please help. thankyou sharon
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Kiv, writes (11 February 2005): Open and Honest? Your first mistake - You stated that you asked him a question that you already knew the answer to. That's not open and honest, that's entrapment. Continue that and the one you love will never believe that your questions are sincere. He claims to know that he's bisexual, though he's never been with a man (outside the nightmare some pervert put him through). Call me cynical, but how does he know? Regardless of the answer, is this something you can live with? His bisexuality? Do you expect an exclusive relationship? If so, the answer is as simple as if he were straight. Do you worry about him thinking of other women when you're in bed? So where's the hang-up? Or, you could accept this as part of an open relationship that permitted him (and you) to be with other people (and in his case that would at times be men). Or, in a not-so-open relationship, would you allow other men into the your bedroom. It could be an exciting relationship from a sexual standpoint. But you have to ask yourself what kind of a relationship you want. Judging by your question, the first option seems most appropriate. That means that you would accept his sexuality, but insist he doesn't cheat on you. In return, you have to relax and enjoy the love you share, and not be jealous of the other woman/man . . . Honestly, I think you should do things to him that make him forget what the word bisexual means. Women have ways of keeping their man's attention . . . don't they?
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