A
female
age
36-40,
*ovemeright11
writes:My Boyfriend suffers from depression and he pretty much has for most of his life so he says. He is now seeing a dr. to help him out with this but my question is before we dated he told me he was an excessive mastubator so his sex drive always seems like it was there. He would masturbate 2 to 3 times a day I was kinda shocked at this cause I have never know anyone that does that at least no one I have dated. So I know that masturbation and actual sex are 2 different things but why would he be able to be so excesive with the masturbation while single and now he is in arelationship and can barely put out at all and his mastubation has subsided he dose not do it anymore ever he just has sex with me once in awhile. I reall want more sex then this once in a while but does anyone understand what maybe happend here with him and his sexual desires? like i said I know he has depression but why would it not effect him sexually while he was single but effect him now when he has someone?
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female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (16 November 2011):
Masturbation can be something a person does to temporarily increase the endorphins in the brain to temporarily alleviate the symptoms of depression. If he is seeing a doctor and especially if he is currently taking medication for depression, he may have little to no libido.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 Well, I can't explain to you exactly what goes on as I am not a doctor. But I do know that masturbation and sex are two very different things, and not always related to a high sex drive. Some people with high sex drive use masturbation to take off the edge, but people with low sex drives also masturbate, and can masturbate frequently. People who are depressed often have a hard time interacting with others, which might give you a clue. Him enjoying alone-time with himself is still him being alone, him having sex means he includes another human, which is what he might find difficult or unappealing. People who are depressed often lose the interest in sex, and other humans. So the fact that he is with you shows that he is recovering since he wants to have another person in his life.
My brother has had depression for some years now and didn't even fool around with anyone, or flirt with anyone, let alone date anyone, for years! He was interested in girls before his depression, and now he appears to be getting better because he's started flirting again and showing an interest in others. I don't know much about his sex life while he's been depressed, but I know his ex gf from before he became depressed, and I live with him for years, so I know he was VERY active sexually before he became depressed. Depression does that to a person.. makes them uninterested in sex. And masturbation is different from sex as it doesn't include another person.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): There could be a couple of reasons for his diminished sex drive. You mentioned that he's seeing a doctor, so it's possible that he was prescribed an anti depressant. Some of those drugs inhibit your sex drive. Also, he may now be associating masturbation and sex with feelings of anxiety and depression. In other words, since he was doing it so much during a depressive or anxious episode, everything having to do with sex equates to feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, etc. When you're depressed, your world is filtered through a different, or distorted, lens. This state of mind distorts a lot of life's pleasures and they become associated with that sense of doom and gloom that most depressed people feel 24/7. Even if he wins a $100 million lotto jackpot, there is a good chance that his depressive state of mind will eclipse any sense of joy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): If your bf is seeing a doctor about his depression, then its highly likely that he's taking medication for his depression. If that's the case, then its very very common for anti-depressants to cause low libido and also causes difficulty in getting erections and reaching orgasms in the case of women who are on medication.
Its a very unfortunate side effect of anti-depressents but these side effects will disappear when he stops the medication and he will eventually return back to his normal self sexually. However, usually people take anti-depressents for quite a long time to make sure the depression doesn't return.
Sorry things are difficult for you both, I hope you can work through this together.
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