A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 21 year old single female and i was just wondering when to tell a man im interested in that i have an STD. I dont want to scare him off (im pretty sure i have done that in the past) by doing it too soon, but i dont want him to think i was hiding it. I have HPV, and i want to be honest with my boyfriend (in the future) about it so he can make up his mind on how he feels about it and me, but when?
View related questions:
std Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): I just recently had to tell my new boyfriend. I waited until I knew that we were serious enough to eventually have sex. Just make sure that you do not wait until you are about to have sex. Sit down and have the conversation with him in private, and just tell him that you felt that he should know. Good luck!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): First of all, you sound like a really mature, sensible and decent person and i agree with Uncle Phil, you really should be congratulated for your attitude towards this. You are completely right in wanting to tell him and let him make his own decision and I fully respect you for that attitude.
Onto the boy, you do have to tell him so he can decide if it is an issue for him or not. My sister has HPV and I see how distressed she gets thinking that it will affect relationships and men will lose interest in her. I dont think you should tell him from the very very beginning. Its a personal subject and you dont know what will happen with this man. If it gets to the point where you are talking about becoming a couple then you absolutely have to tell him because it is something which will effect him and as hard as it is for you, he has the right to choose if he wants to be with someone who has hpv or if it is too much of an issue for him.
obviously he should know about this long before anything sexual happens between you but i dont see the need to tell him straight away because you dont know if anything will happen there anyway. But as soon as you enter the territory of becoming boyfriend-girlfriend he really has to know.
He may decide he wants to be with you regardless, or he may run a mile but either way he will respect you for respecting him enough to tell him and not just keep quiet for fear of losing him. And if he does head for the hills, he's not worthy of you anyway. You're a very strong decent person and you deserve a very strong decent man.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): You should be congratulated for having the common sense to tell a potential partner about this.
I'm no doctor, but as far as I'm aware the virus is spread by skin-to-skin contact, particularly of the mucous membranes ie. mouth, penis, vagina and anus. That being the case, my answer to your question is to tell him before any of those areas come into contact, which probably means telling him before the first kiss.
You will be doing him a great service by letting him know what the consequences of being infected with HPV are, and which type you have - there are apparently around a hundred - and the risks involved with your type, particularly if yours is any of the types that cause cancer.
He may run a mile, but I'm afraid that's a risk you must be willing to take. In some places it's a criminal offence to knowingly infect someone against their will with a potentially deadly virus - in that it causes cancer - which some types of HPV undoubtedly are.
Phil
...............................
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (31 December 2007):
 I do not know what HPV is, or how dangerous it is. What I do tell everyone with an STD is that you be honest about it if and when it leads to anything that would make it spread. This does not mean to tell everyone about it...you do have a right to privacy, but your right to privacy does not ever allow you to put someone's health at risk. Never.
Date is you want to, but if the subject of sex comes up, and you feel that there is a good chance sex could happen, be honest about it.
Yes, you WILL scare off some people, but that is the burden you must bare for having an STD. I know that does not seem fair, but if someone has a deadly STD, you would want to know too before you had sex with them.
-Frank B KErmit
...............................
|
