A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a 5-year relationship with my current girlfriend. However, our relationship has ultimately deteriorated, and she has developed erratic behavior (she has stalked me once, she now throws tantrums in public, she has severe mood swings, and she tries to make me feel guilty when she does not approve of a decision I make). Quite recently, she entered (by her own will) a hospital, knowing that she needs serious help.I cannot handle this relationship any longer, but I don't know if I should break up with her while she is currently mentally unstable and in the hospital; I have feeling that's heartless. When should I break up with her?
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female
reader, heyy +, writes (20 October 2009):
Ahweeee. That's cute that you care... I like you whoever you are... anyways here's what I think...
She sounds crazy... and if she read this would probably... ok for sure be pissed off... She has issues within herself-you're not married to her... Don't make her issues yours... Unless!!!! you truly love her and want to help her resolve them... You should her go running or walking with her... that's good for the body, especially when someone is going through a hard time or stressed about something... If that doesn't help, you should really bring her to a professional... Cutting yourself or whatever she does is NOT COOL! or normal, no matter how many people say it is...
Good luck!
Hope I helped!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): You're wise to understand she could go mental on you if you break up with her now. Instead, you need to slowly phase yourself out of her life.
Start by reducing your visits a bit. Say kind but truthful things like "I'm your friend and I'm here to support your decision because I think this is good for you." If she begs you to stay, promise her things, say you love her, do what you can to not lie to her. In fact say things like "I think it would be best for me to not promise things until you know what you really want." or "I can't make promises because I can't see into the future you know!"
While decreasing your visits and saying things that clearly put you in the friend category, be honest with her parents and those around her. You are removing yourself from the relationship because it is best for both of you. They will probably hint this to her or flat-out tell her but that's okay. Eventually you should find yourself talking to her less and less. The first week go out with some guy friends to a very "male" thing like an action movie, paintball range, football game, etc. She might me mad/confused/jealous/accusing but she needs to get used to the idea of you doing other things with other people. The second or third week go out with a co-ed group to do something harmless - like a movie. Again, gently inform her you've gone out during your once-every-three-or-four-day conversations. Tell her you're impressed with how strong she is without you and you've been feeling good, too. Thank her for being such a loving FRIEND and wish her all the best with her recovery. Now DO NOT CONTACT HER. You'd be wise to get a brand new phone number at this time, too. Let her pitch a fit. She'll need to go through denial & anger before she gets to acceptance. If she's mentally ill, she'll probably do something to get attention. Don't take her friend's & parent's 'emergency' calls where they beg you to come up to the hospital because you're the 'only person who can help'. You'll be ensnared in a mess you won't escape from without having to move far away!
Just slowly distance yourself. You're a guy. You know exactly how to become emotionally distant and withdrawn! Good luck! And seriously - you're going to need a new phone number.
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