A
male
age
36-40,
*ian
writes:Dear Uncles and Aunts, etc.My relationship is starting to gear back to normal; however, I have to be patient until my lover returns to me in August. Knowing that we are getting back together has been a great relief. However, I am struggling to honour some of their requests, because I am so lonely... and it is going to be a while...(Please feel free to advise on temporary breakups...)Anyway, my question is around one particular request my partner has made, so they can express their independence while we are apart. (they left to pursue some matters of independence before we potentially become more committed...) I was asked today if I would mind them having sex with someone else. Now, I was originally quite upset. But then it was explained clearly, that it was only a question. (They respect my feelings, and wanted my opinion before acting, if at all.)I had to think... I took my partner's v-card; they haven't been with anyone else. They may want to try things that I won't do sexually yet, if at all; and they might want to explore what its like to be with someone else before we become committed.I ask you, what's the right decision to make? - Let them? or dont let them? have sex with someone else...?So far, I have mentioned to my partner that it would be devastating. Then I rebutted and said that sex is sex, and relationships are relationships, and i can see them separately. What should my final answer be?
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male
reader, cian +, writes (22 February 2009):
cian is verified as being by the original poster of the question We spoke again this evening, and I spoke about my feelings, with the support of this community behind me, and how it would be best for me to say no to his request.
Instead, I now might head out there for a month, and work on maintaining what we have. So things are repairing quickly!
Its been a terrible week, but now I'm getting some closure.
Thanks again. Everyone.
: ) : ) : )
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (22 February 2009):
 I think the other posters pretty much have it spot-on. To be honest I think from what you are writing here you really dont want them to have sex with anybody else but are trying to convince yourself you can make that seperation because you think this is what they want. However, it might be worth considering the possibility that this is not actually what they want; that they are actually want is reassurence that you wont be having sex while they are away.
I think from what you write here you have too much invested in this to say yes. Like has already been said it's ok if you truly think you can handle it (and are not just saying that yo humour your partner) but otherwise id go with no. Id explain how you feel about them and give that as your reason why; to be honest I think in this instance you should probably say no. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, cian +, writes (22 February 2009):
cian is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): Honestly, if it troubles you, then say no. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking your partner to be monogamous to you. Nothing at all. Please don't hesitate. If they feel the need to explore, then they are not prepared for commitment.
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