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female
,
anonymous
writes: I think my ex is depressed. He just broke up with me for the 3rd time in 2 years. This time he told me he needs to get back on his feet, but can't juggle that and a relationship at the same time. I am 24 and he is 25. I love him more than anything, but he always pushes me away when there is a problem in his life. I don't want to give up on him because I know he needs me, but at the same time he keeps hurting me. We were friends for almost 3 years before we even dated and to have him out of my life completely hurts even more. At the same time I was the only one he ever talked to or cried to about how he truly feels and I'm scared that if I don't help him no one will. I know he loves me more than anything. He has a pretty consistant pattern, we are OK for 5-6 months, he gets into a slump, breaks things off and then comes back and tells me he was not better off without me; it just made him feel worse. Help me, what do I do? He won't see or talk to me because it's too hard for him. He will respond to texts and e-mails. I am also still very close to his sister. Is there anything I can do? I want to help him and I want him back.
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female
reader, mjp81 +, writes (19 December 2005):
I need to talk to Mr. Ed he gave me alot of insight to my problem with my depressed ex. I would like to know what i can due further. Please write me back. Do i wait for him to come to me or is there anything i can do? Please help
A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (19 December 2005):
 I'm truly sorry you are going through this as it is severe. On one hand if you run back or try harder you are enabling him. On the other hand you do love him and obviously most of the time he makes you happy. I have suffered with bouts of depression for a long time. I finally found a woman who has cornered me with her love. This may sound silly but confrontation is cornering. She told me that whatever I was thinking or dealing with; she was going to be right there with me. Over time now I have learned and built up enough trust in her to develope the skills not to run. It took a long time to realize she was there on my side and not a psychologist. She listens with great intent. Sometimes I thank her and sometimes I become even more upset because she cannot do anything about what I tell her. I always get over it and eventually we are very happy. I wish things were different but they are not. For now I trust her with my emotions and she is making every effort to help me. I did take several different types of medications and some even caused sexual problems between us. I became more depressed because I couldn't satisfy her like I felt like she needed. With a long healing process and time away from medications we have been back on track for a long time and have only had a few instances of issues. She is there every time and I know this in my heart. She did have to corner me and make me believe that I (WE) would get through that situation. The flip side is that I really do love her and worship her ground she walks on because of her ability to stay and fight. We do have our moments but I stopped running and gave into her ears. This takes incredible amounts of courage from her because I may say things that hurt her momentarily but not permanently. I think as long as you believe that you honestly love him and your willing to try very hard then just keep fighting the good fight and he will come around to see the angel you are. GOOD LUCK.
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (19 December 2005):
 Dear, i feel for u. The truth is i dont like this guy pattern of always wanting to break up with you when then is a problem u shouldnt encourage and put up with that.He is exhibiting instability in the relationship if he does that.
There are always problems in any relationship or in life in generally is that how he is going to be shuttling u back and forth anytime he encounters that. He should grow up.If he loves u then he shouldnt be putting u through that sort of hell.
My own advise is that u shouldnt call him or try to see him again,leave him alone. I know its hard cos u love him so much but if u run after him at this point then u will be encouraging him to continue in this way.
If he really loves u then he should come back begging and please make him really suffer and he should promise not to do that again if ever u want to take him back. the choice to go back to him then, is entirely yours but if i am the one i wouldnt go back again.
For now go out and enjoy yourself i usually advise people this cos it helps to take your mind off things. cheers and all the best.
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