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female
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*imberely
writes: I love my husband. Very much. However, I just don't know what to do. First, we have been married 6 years, with no children. I have a wonderful career, and my job pays everything. He works 2-3 days a week, and refuses to work anymore, saying he is sick; which he is. He may have lung cancer, but refuses to go to the doctor after they said they wanted to run a tube down his throat. He doesn't want kids, I do. He continually tells me how no one loves me but him. My mom called and dad was taking a shower, so he said "seems like that happens a lot when they call you, I think he doesn't want to talk to you." He knows I have a close relationship with my family, who are 350 miles away. He refuses to go back up to see them ever again, since my 3 year old niece said my brother hated my husband. I went to church without him because he wouldn't go. Then every time I did anything, he told me I was going to hell. So, I got tired and got out of church. Then he told me I should be in church because I was going to hell. But then he tells me every day how much he loves me and needs me. I would have left him a long time ago, except I do love him, and I am afraid of being alone; at night and in the future. I just don't know what to do. I try to talk to him and he tells me I am being a crybaby and need to grow up. Help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2005): This is a form of abuse, recognized by domestic violence specialists. Put downs that not only affect your self-esteem, but change your behavior (ie not going to church, or seeing your family), are power and control issues. Do not allow him to take the power, YOUR POWER. These experiences will escalate and increase in frequency over time, and will affect other areas of your life. Take charge, and make it stop now. Talk to a domestic violence center if you have any questions, even if he is not physically abusive, he is controlling you.
A
female
reader, Sarita +, writes (19 December 2005):
 If he has lung cancer, he must be through a tough phase in his life and you must comprehend that it's difficult to think about death and the future. But it is no reason for him to treat you badly. You must tell him you love him and that you always will. Ask him to stop making those cruel cries for attention. Good luck for both of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2005): There's only one crybaby and person who needs to grow up in your relationship and it isn't you. And as for all that rubbish about you going to hell, the mans an idiot. Give him the elbow and get on with your life, you don't need a man with a mental age of 6 dragging you down.
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