A
female
age
30-35,
*U22L3D
writes:help.. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. It's been a bumpy 2 years, and we still have feelings for eachother. Recently, just last month, he was moving out of his apt into his condo. I've went out of my way to help him clean his apt and pack, and just last weekend, I stayed at his condo while he was out of the city for an athlete conference. During the time that I was at his condo, I spent my whole time there cleaning his whole condo. When he came back, he thanked me for doing all the cleaning and told me "he loves me so much"....I knew that he was tired from his trip, however, I was really anticipating for him to come back so we can go out for a drink/snack.. he agreed, but soon afterwards, I didn't want to go. I was indecisive because 1. I wanted to go but I knew he didn't wanna go 2. If we go, I don't want him to complain about not wanting to go.. My problem is that we haven't been spending enough quality time together because of school, and he works..before, I asked him "why don't we ever do anything anymore?" and he flipped out on me saying crap about money and materialistic things.. but on the other hand, "doing anything" to me didnt mean spending money; it meant like romantic things, like the small things- bubble baths, clean together, watch movies at home, blablabla.. Although we do do things together, I just don't feel that he ever puts any affection into it.. like sitting on the couch, I have to play my way through to get his arms around me.I don't really feel that he loves me, and I don't know if I'm being too sensitive, but all I want to know is how do I get to know if he actually wants me as much as I want him, and how do I get him to show that affection? he tells me he loves me every single time, but I want him to show it more than he says it.. people are telling me that "if he really cared about/loved you, he would make time for you"... I'm so torn right now, because everytime he'd say I love you, I always have myself asking him(inside my head) "do you?", "show me".. stuff like that...
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Well, I think you need to be honest with him about how you feel. And believe it or not, how you feel isn't "we never go out anymore". That's just the symptom.
You have to tell him that you are feeling like he has lost affection for you. You're feeling like he doesn't want you as much as you want him, and that you wish that while sitting on the couch, he'd smile and put his arm around you and look forward to spending time with you.
Also, you can't let yourself start playing games. You asked him to go for a drink, then was indecisive that he didn't want to or would be too tired. If he's willing, he wants to. Go out and enjoy his company. He might not have been willing at the start, but once you were out he would have loved reconnecting with you.
Tell him you miss the small things, and you miss him showing you how much he loves you. Guys are very task oriented, and when you play the games, he'll think "she doesn't want to spend time with me". And when you say "you never", of course he risks flipping out and coming to the conclusion that you want him to spend money on him because you haven't just opened up to him.
He says he loves you a lot, and I'm sure he does. Tell him how you feel about him showing you. Sometimes in the day to day, the courtship gets lost. Open your heart and show him it.
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