A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When my boyfriend makes sarcastic comments how should I react? Recently I asked if I looked fat in some new jeans and he replied "No fatter than usual!!" and then laughed and hugged me. I know its a classic "Does my bum look big on this"? question but it hurts me as he catches me off guard. Am I just over sensitive? He makes personal remarks about my body and laughs it off and I always think of something after to say Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 August 2017):
 If my husband said that to me I would just laugh but that is probably because I get his sarcastic moods but I also see the good side to him and the loving caring side to him. I guess only you know your relationship and you know deep down if he is trying to bring you down or not. Maybe talk to him and tell him how he is making you feel. Off course you don't want to hurt his feelings but maybe he doesn't realize he is hurting yours?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2017): I am OP. Wise owl we have been together a year and I guess his comments are dished out too often. Its not easy dating a guy who is not tactile either and says he doesnt know whether he has ever been in love. I am a sensitive soul and on meeting his mum she hugged me and warned me not to let him grind me down with his comments. Im not overweight but he knows how to dig still. I looked up "Dear Abby and maybe your partner teases because deep down he feels your popularity. Im sure you have lots of friends who turn to you for advice! Bit of envy there maybe! You keep hiding those keys ha ha!
Honeypie you hit the nail on the head too. The difference is that you avoid misunderstandings. Fatherly advice, yes I need to loosen up maybe. I have lovely belly laughs times with my friends but I feel they are laughing with me.
I would never tease him about his sexual dysfunction which I know he struggles with or his small feet. If I did it would hurt him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2017): How long have you and your boyfriend been together? I know a lot of guys with salty senses of humor; but they're truly lovable and have a heart of gold. You have to judge their humor by their usual demeanor and personality.
I've got a knack for witty humor myself. I sometimes go for the jugular with some of my friends; because gays can be bitches! That's off-topic, but back to your problem.
People of sarcasm are often defensive and have been teased a lot themselves. They've developed a sense of humor as a coping mechanism; so cutting tongue-in-cheek remarks become their brand. They'll grow on you, and you start to wait with anticipation as to what witty remarks they'll make; or even judge their moods by the temperature of their humor. If it's tepid or bland, they're in a sour mood. If it's sharp, someone pissed them off. If it's witty spiced with snarky, they're in a good mood. You miss their quirkiness when they're sad or depressed. They're usually very upbeat. They're the life of the party. Is he like this?
My boyfriend calls me Dear Abby. It's his pet-name. I hate it. "Hey Abby, want a beer from the fridge?" He wonders why he can never find his keys in the morning. Heh-heh-heh!!!
You may Google her, if unfamiliar!
There's the lovable teddy bear who everybody loves and he plays tough-guy; because he's big. He never means anything mean by it, but he likes to get a rise out of people. He gets away with murder; because he's so big, and you'd rather stay on his good side. He is usually warm and draws hugs like a magnet. Does this sound familiar?
There's the big-daddy joker. Loves beer, has a nickname for everybody. Everybody (and anybody) is the brunt of his jokes. He never seems to miss a weak-spot, knows how to hit you exactly where it hurts; and he's a Don Rickles (Google it) wannabee! Forever the smart-ass. Rubs you the wrong way, and hits too close to home. He always apologizes; but his jokes hit below the belt. Not always funny or appealing; and funny only to a chosen audience. He sometimes dabbles in racist humor and is most always politically-incorrect. This guy hurts feelings, but he thinks he's funny. I think this is your guy. Is it?
A sense of humor is an attractive trait in some people. However; if you're a sensitive-person, you should take this trait into consideration before committing to them. It should be a deal-breaker, if you can't take a little nudging from your lover. They don't mean anything by it.
If your skin is too thin to handle razzing, perhaps you need to grow a sense of humor yourself. What exactly made you like this guy enough to make him your boyfriend? Since you take his jokes so seriously that they hurt your feelings?
You gave him a classic opening, what was a guy to do?!!
You tell a guy like that he's reeeeeeal funny! Use a sneer in your voice to emphasize your distaste for that brand of humor. Never let it slide. He will temper the jokes and know your boundaries. Never never never discourage teasing or jokes; because with macho-types, that's being affectionate.
Simply tell him the following. You draw the line at hurtful-comments about your body. It isn't funny, and women take it personally when men make jokes about their looks or bodies. He had better figure-out better answers when you ask for his opinion about how you look, or shut the f**k up! You may quote me. The full paragraph. Type it in huge font and tape it on the bathroom mirror; and leave it under a magnet on the refrigerator. Modify the behavior.
Even though I can't see you, you're adorable! Those jeans make you look slim and fabulous! Jeans look best on curvy ladies. That's my professional gay opinion.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 August 2017):
 Is it because you think he is being mean and hiding it by using sarcasm?
Because I'm pretty sarcastic all around but I TRY and avoid misunderstandings. For me? Sarcasm is good humor that doesn't mean everyone else enjoys it. I get that.
I think he is using sarcasm with questions where NO matter WHAT he says you will interpret it as negative.
My advice? IF he makes unsolicited "jokes" about your body tell him that you don't find it funny nor appreciate the criticism.
Now if you ASK him, does my ass look big... blah blah.. and you expect him to placate you... then you need to grow up. You are in your 40's - those kind of LOADED questions are for those who constantly need reassurance... or is that you?
He doesn't want to answer those kinds of questions because he is damned if he does tell you the truth or damned if he lies. And you know it.
A sense of humor is something most people have. His might run a big bit more sarcastic than yours. Which means you either accept the sarcasm is part of how he handles issues or try and lighten the mood or deflect a question or you move on to another guy with a sense of humor that works for you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (26 August 2017):
 Why did you ask that question?
Was it a test?
Did you want to see if he had memorized the "correct " answer?
If it was a test he failed miserably. But, did you learn enough about him to make any decisions about your future? Because if you didn't learn anything, then your testing was pointless and a waste of emotion for both of you.
Women like men who are funny. Don't ask me why, I'm not a woman and don't understand it.
Women like men who are sensitive, but the end up treating them like girlfriends. Again don't ask me why.
You find his humor offensive, so he doesn't make you laugh. You find his lack of sensitivity, is Not balanced by a strong stability that you need. In short you are not compatible. That is my take on the results of your test question.
...............................
|
