A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When men watch porn are they pretending it's happening to them? Are they pretending they are the male actor? I'm told they aren't, I don't understand what they get from it if that's not the case.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2014): "I am still offended by the want for something different like most women are."
Women do the exact same thing except it's movie stars and musicians they gush over. I know women more emotionally attached to Ryan Gosling or Drake than any man I've met is to porn stars.
There's no want for something different, it's just a wank. If it's not porn then we'll make up our own fantasy and I hate to tell you but it won't always be you we think about. You'll just find a guy who doesn't watch porn, who will never admit to fantasising about anyone else and you'll be fine.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2014): We could talk about this all night, I am still offended by the want for something different like most women are. Anyway as I've said I'm single so no worries.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2014): My bf is one of the rare ones that does not watch porn when he is in a relationship, which doesnt work in my favour because i do! We have been together for nearly 10 years and when i work away for business or travel home to see the family i encourage him to look at porn but he wont and says he would rather think of things to make him cum.
Alhough, for me, when i watch porn it turns me on for different reasons. Th girl probably reminds me of my boyfriends crush who is hot or the guy reminds me of my bestfriends husband who is very sexy (My bf doesnt know any of this when we watch together!). Or the actors/actresses are sexy... as long as it looks sexy - i like
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2014): "the more attractive a person is the more likely they will lose interest in looking at other women"This may be true for some men. I cannot say for sure. However, when it comes to porn, every body type a woman can have is out there. Some men have the "perfect" bodied girlfriend, yet watch BBW porn. How do you explain that? It's difficult to imagine a woman with 100% perfect proportions feeling insecure, due to what her partner is watching. Yet it happens. That's why I don't take it personally. It doesn't matter what body type you have, the men who watch it to lust after the women will still watch something different to you. For example, I have a curvy body, fair skin, long dark hair, and brown eyes. A few of the men I dated liked to watch skinny blondes with blue/green eyes. Yet if I was a skinny blonde, my guess is they would have watched curvy brunettes. Another liked to watch Asians. Yet if I was Asian, then he probably would have watched another race. These men could have dated whatever race, or body type of woman they wanted, yet they chose me, and they were attracted to me. They simply wanted to see something else in porn, and I don't believe they found what they watched "more attractive" than me. Just different. As for the men who watch porn for other reasons, just to see sex, fetishes, etc, your looks obviously have no effect on this. Some men with fetishes will watch it in porn instead of thinking of their partners, because depending on what it is, they may not want to think of their partners in such a degrading way. They respect them too much. I know you said not to bother trying to change your mind, but I'll admit I can be stubborn sometimes. I hope something I said helped you regardless.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2014): Still got it in my head that the more attractive a person is the more likely they will lose interest in looking at other women. I wouldn't bother trying to change my opinion, family, friends and therapists can't help me :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2014): Why do you take it personally? Especially when you know there are multiple reasons they watch it, and not just to lust after the women? I'm curious is all.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2014): I do take it personally but I'm single so that's fine and I don't have to worry.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2014): There is no definite answer. It depends on the guy, as you can see by the varying answers you've gotten from the male posters.
There is no ONE AND ONLY reason guys watch porn.
For some, simply seeing sex itself is enough of a turn on to get the job done. Or as Cerberus put it, seeing a penis in a vagina and hearing the noises is enough. There are also some who have certain fetishes, and while they may like to watch these things, they may not want to try them in real life.
And yes, there are some who like to pretend they're the male in the video. As CMMP pointed out, that's why point of view porn exists.
Please don't be one of those women who takes a man's use of porn personally, no matter what his reason. I know it's difficult not to think about it, but if you do there's a good chance you're wasting your time. You most likely won't change his mind, although telling him to google labiaplasty (images) might as most mainstream porn stars have had it. I think the guys who are REALLY into porn star bodies don't realize that ALL their parts have been surgically enhanced. They think the implants are the only unnatural thing about these women, and some who have never seen natural big boobs don't even realize that's not what they're supposed to look like.
Showing them a little reality might destroy the fantasy, although I may be wrong. Worth a shot...
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 April 2014):
 Did any of these answers help you with your question?
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (16 April 2014):
 I think it depends on the man and what they like and are into. Some are turned on by the thought of sex and the porn stimulates that. Sometimes they can imagine they are there. Sometimes they are just wiping the day out of their mind and gearing their thoughts towards soemthing more exciting/enticing and sometimes they are just viewing it for what it is. Some men don't even like porn at all and there is that too - there are many reasons for porn and it is all very personal to the individual!
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (16 April 2014):
Its different for each guy, that's why they have point of view porn. I don't tend to fixate on the woman as much as the act itself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): Thought, sensation, stimulation, visual arousal, and appeal differs from man to man. Some can put themselves in the picture, and some just like seeing other people at pleasure. They enjoy the voyeuristic aspect of it. Like being in someone's bedroom without them knowing it, or they're fully aware. The sights and sounds send sexual stimulation to the genitals from a certain part of the brain.
You can't pinpoint how every man finds pleasure in porn. Any more than you can tell what position he prefers having actual sex or the fantasies he has. You can only generalize what it does for anyone viewing it.
I can't imagine female pleasure without having a vagina, no more than you can figure out what I feel with my penis. So it can not be put in words so you will understand it, accept from a technical sense.
The arousal and pleasure is mostly visual for men. He doesn't necessarily have to touch himself to reach orgasm;it is strongly mental.
Women have to speak for themselves.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): Men are very visual and the whole reason we watch porn is to imagine that we are with that woman, she is pleasuring us etc not the man in the movie. Men don't want to see other men naked unless we imagine that we are them.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 April 2014):
I think women project, men objectify, if I sum up this article: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2739403/
Basically, you are thinking about this using your female brain and you apparently can't imagine for yourself the type of visual 'zing' men experience when looking at sexual imagery.
As this seems to be causing you confusion, perhaps the best way to approach this is to recognize that your brain is just wired differently than his is. And one is not better than the other.
Here's another article supporting the projection vs. objectification idea, and it also indicates that male and female brains respond differently to audio-visual sexual stimulation: http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/808430
The amygdala apparently plays a role for men: http://www.nytimes.com/2004/03/16/health/in-sex-brain-studies-show-la-difference-still-holds.html
I just think that men get an extra 'zing' that we don't experience in the same way they do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): When I'm single and haven't sex in a while then yes I do. But when I'm in a relationship not at all. I don't need to pretend I'm having sex when I can just go to my wife and have real sex. Porn is just a visual masturbation aid. A penis in a vagina with all the noises associated with that to make my arousal happen instantly instead of having to teased out be with a mental fantasy.
With porn: Arousal in about 10 seconds, job done in 30 seconds to a minute.
Without porn: 2-5 minutes to create a mental fantasy to get myself aroused, then a hell of a lot of focus on that fantasy for about 10 minutes to finish off.
It's basically the same difference that using a finger or vibrator is to my wife. With her finger it can take a while, but with her vibrator there's no need to even create a fantasy to get aroused the sensation itself does all the work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): I'm a woman and I watch porn, I don't know if you care for my thoughts as well.
When I watch it, I don't pretend to be the person in it, I rather share the pleasure that she's feeling. Just like when people cry, I tend to cry with them; when she orgams, I orgasm with her. It's different from your imagination because you get surprising story lines and twists to the plot that if you imagined yourself wouldn't come as a surprise because your mind created them. So it's stimulating in a different way than my own imagination. Not necessarily better - but just different. Also adds a bit of variety. And it's quicker to get me off. Lots of reasons really.
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A
male
reader, Levsn  +, writes (16 April 2014):
Porn...
No, the porn I sometimes watch is somewhat... special and I do not want to participate in that stuff even remotely. It is just something to get off quickly.
Porn is boring as hell, though if you're single it's better than nothing. Not only are the women fake, it is just extremely laughable and only good for getting of quick.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2014): Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (16 April 2014):
 It's something to look at while masturbating. Much more fun than staring at a blank wall, if you ask me.
Maybe they are fantasizing about being that dude or maybe they just think about their gf's. Either way, it's just masturbation, and whatever they think about in the privacy of their own bedrooms and in their own minds is in reality, only their business. There's no right or wrong.
Everyone has a right to think their own thoughts. And it doesn't mean there's any desire on their part to act them out. As I said, better than staring at a wall.
I'm a girl and I appreciate porn. Don't watch it often, but I definitely have and do. I don't picture myself as the person in the porn. I just like watching it because it's hot. End of story. Lol.
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