A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Does anyone else have a difficult time getting over a crush? I am married with kids and in my late 30's yet still wonder whether my married crush thinks about me etc.My husband is very attractive and athletic - more so than my crush but is sometimes not the sensitive type. I guess I got this emotional attention from my married crush. I have never acted on any of my feelings with him. Do guys just flirt, care or pretend to care about you and show "genuine" interest in you, your clothes, job, vacations, sports you play etc. just to see if they can get you to bed or are they looking for the same (emotional attention)?Thanks, feeling a bit tortured here. . .
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 I think it differs from person to person...but I wonder if you are missing some "spark" with your husband.
Put the focus and energy into your marriage to find out how to crush on him again!
Obessing on the married crush will only lead you to feeling less fulfilled at home.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): Thanks Agony Aunts and Uncle! I am the OP.
Very interesting insight. I need to get this married crush out of my head! Don't really want to see my crush as a dirtbag but you never know. . .I guess the never knowing part is what is killing me. . .Don't want to feel used--ie "ego-stroker" !?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 Men tend to "flirt" to boost their own ego. they know there's no chance in the world anything will come of it. We are an insecure lot but can't help ourselves.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 Something in between . I think they look for novelty and excitement, and the narcisistic thrill of being somebody's object of desire , of feeling wanted, lusted over, crushed on, and often they'll go to any length to get themselves this high.
A loving wife of many years may be happy with her marriage, but probably won't go on every day with : Oh you are so special, oh you are SO the man. Her way to show love will be to raise his kids, and clean the toilet he uses ( without putting the seat down), and put up with his mortally boring parents and siblings , and stifle her yawns when he tells for the 2Oth time his favourite old joke etc. So, often the man will go in search of " emotional fulfillment " = read : powerful ego stroke, and he'll play dirty to get it .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): I think it's different for each person.I don't doubt some are just looking for sex and nothing more. and will say or pretend anything to get you into bed with them. but some others are very unhappy and lonely in their marriages but lack the courage to leave their wives, making them emotionally vulnerable to the "right" woman who comes along in their lives. so for these guys, I think when they go outside their marriages it is for emotional stuff.
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