A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So here's the thing, I've been dating my boyfriend off and on now for two years. I don't know if it's fate or what but we seem to always find out ways back to each other. However, over the past few months I've been feeling like I'm completely wasting my time bcuz he seems to no future aspirations or anything whatsoever. More importantly he is going to be 23 soon with No job or Education, I'm becoming extremely frustrated with him. Bcuz he's constantly asking for money or something. He's never taken me out on a date or anything. He swears I'm going to always better there altho I've told him numerous times I'm ready to date other ppl, granted my entire fam loves him but in my eyes he's a complete lia, he even want as far as make up a story about how he was in jail during my birthday this year. This truly Hurt my feelings bcuz it's always the same thing I also get treated second best!! Then whenever I confront him about anything he simply professes his love for me, reiterating that he loves me and were destined. Idk bcuz the problem is I work and go to school and he's just here to me taking up space. I love him dearly but I feel as of he's using me for not only money but sex also. And get this I haven't met his parents yet or anyone of his friend or fam. He claims it's because me live to different lifestyle, (completely true , he's involved in drugs and such) but that has never been a problem although I know I can do better. Another key thing, during our first year he like up and left me after 8 months then came back bcuz he said he lost contact with me and bs. Altho I know he used tht opportunity to sleep with other ppl, I've never gotten over that who just disappears then comes back. I took h back 4 months later with hesitate but I knew I wouldn't have closure until I did. At this point he just want wants wants, and then when I bring concern he stresses he truly cares and why don't I believe. Many ppl think I stupid bcuz there's way more to the story, but I deeply love him I just wish I didn't bcuz I know there's no future beyond the lies... I've give up, but I don't know why I can't let go, I feel he doesn't want me yet he doesn't want anyone else to have me. Ive been so taken for granted and unappreciated that at this point I'm do indecisive about literally everything. I've always been a believer that everything happens for a reason but when he's enough enough. I just want he I see that there's so many ppl that would kill to date me bcu I have so much going for myself and I'm attractive. Guys especially comment bcuz I want to know, wtf is up bcuz clearly there's no commitment or any progression being made. Am I just nurturing him. I know he has to have some feeling for me, but that is is bcu I'm on the verge. And everything I try to leave I just get sucked right back in bcuz he swears he loves him he's just not at a good place but I feel he's try hard enough. I don't know what to think anymore.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 June 2012):
 He's not the one to focus on here, surprising to say.
YOU are the one...
You're in a rut, terrified of the new and clinging desperately to what's familiar. This is either out of a sense of not thinking you'll find someone else, or you're scared to change.
This is the only reason you'd actually put up with this situation. Your life is stuck in reverse. You have a guy who has latched onto you, and you're doing the unthinkable, which is pretty much paying him to be your boyfriend. Why give him money? Never ever give money to a love interest or partner.
Your family loves him because they want to see you with someone, and he's breathing and a male. You're also not talking about that side of him to them. They see what you let them see.
Once you either get cheated on by him, or you finally allow frustration to overcome with fear, welcome to your life, because you will never get up the courage to break free of him. He is no good for you, and I hope you rise up and prove me wrong and are able to spot toxicity and can get rid of it once and for all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI completely agree we are on the verge!! It's collapsing as i write I'm going to end it soon I just know it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCindyCares, I've been with holding some truth lol thays why I would never tell my fam he's idiotic moves.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 June 2012):
 Oh no, you know exactly what to think, because you are actually thinking it, only you would prefer not to be thinking it :
that he's a liar, a drifter, a manipulator and a moocher who keeps you around because you are so convenient and such a continuous effortless source of sex and money. And even when all your loving attentions can't prevent him from getting bored, no problem, he can just disappear on you , he knows that anyway all he's got to do to get you back is telling you some lame romantic bullshit, and you'll bite.
The only really mysterious and confusing part in this, is WHY your family would love him so much ?! He takes your money, makes you unhappy, is on drugs, and think that " I was in jail " is a perfectly normal excuse to skip your birthday ( whether it was true or not ).
And... they think this is the ideal son-in-law or brother-in-law ?... None of my business, of course, but oh how much I'd like you to explain me how that's possible.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): I think this relationship will collapse given the right amount of time because I feel you are the only one working on it.
To be honest, I think you might be ready to move on but are afraid of the unknown, that is to be alone for a little. this is what is probably causing you to stay with him, and trust me he is not worth it.
You might love him and that's fine, but if you even want to eventually think of having a healthy relationship with this person, he needs to see what he has lost. Maybe then he will begin to appreciate who he had and what she gave him.
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