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female
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anonymous
writes: i don't know wats wrong with me and my bf.. every second time we meet things go wrong.. we'll have a misunderstanding or sumthing. but then when things are good they are very nice. i really care about this guy but i don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2006): Well, some arguments in relationships are to be expected, but it's how you deal with them that's important.
Are you finding that your "misunderstandings" go back to the same issue? Often a couple argue end up arguing about what is ultimately the same thing. They can't actually resolve the argument and *move on*.
Be honest with yourself here: Do you have a tendancy to get in to arguments in the other relationships you've had too (if you have had any others), or - has he? It could be that one of you isn't ready to be involved in a relationship.
Or, it may be that you are just incompatible with the way you approach situations. A lot of people become couples based on what are superficial reasons, you are both physically attracted to each other - and seem to get along. But - when problems strike - often people act, and expect to be treated in a very defined way. Sadly though - you don't get to know this side of someone until you are already emotionally involved in them.
Relationships are a lot to do with compromise - realising that your partner may act, and think, in a different way than you. e.g. you get to learn that, after an argument, they prefer to be left alone, but you want to talk it out, you eventually know each other to the point when you know how to act when something wrong does happen so a disagreement doesn't result in an argument.
If you really care about this guy, then try sitting down with him and working out why the misunderstandings are happening. Work out where you are going wrong, and try and agree on a way to stop it from happening in the future.
With all that said though - you do have to know when to call it a day. The longer you spend with someone arguing, the more the negativity will eat away at the feelings you have for one another. You don't want to get to a point where you actually resent each other. You know best when you've tried every thing you can though so, good luck and I hope things work out for you!
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (19 August 2006):
 If it is not working out...then it is not working out. Try to be yourself as there is no point trying to please him all the time to prevent arguments. Long term relationships are based on mutual tolerance and accepting each others 'bad days'. If you two have any future then you just have to learn to accept each other the way you are - I am not saying behave badly on purpose, but if you are bickering over trivial things then it may signal a bigger problem with the relationship that cannot easily be fixed.
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