A
male
age
41-50,
*non1926
writes:I have a very complicated situation with a girl...I used to work with her, and we would talk all the time at work. After a few weeks, I was completely smitten with this girl... and it was around Christmas at the time, so I bought her a really exspensive gift.After I had given her the gift, I had pretty much figured it was over, you know? She even made a point to have the " I value your friendship..." talk.However... she kept hanging out with me after that, and she only really talked to me. And it just made me fall more and more in lvoe with her.What's worse is that it was turning into one of those things where everyone at work said she was my girl, even though she herself kept telling them that I wasn't her boyfriend. And I was not the one spreading that.Furthermore, every night, I woudl give her a ride home,and she would give me a hug every night without me asking her for it.In any case, 5 months ago, or there abouts, things were getting tense between me and a completely different coworker. It made me more emotional towards the girl, and I told the girl I loved her.The girl responded, saying that I was too old, and that she didn't feel the connection between us.I am 6 years older than her... and the connection was there for everyoen to see. People would even tell me that she woudl completely close up when I wasn't around.In any case, because of the emotional state I was in, I called her a child, and told her goodbye, and Then I blew up at work... not at the crush girl, but at the coworker I was having problems with. I lost my job over it... and the crush girl and I started talking immediately afterwards, through e-mail, and she kept apologising to me.And, since I was in a state of high emotion, I simply went into arguement mode... I even got her to admit that the age reason was a bunch of bullcrap, but it got to where I was pushing her too hard, and I was making a dick out of myself.So I tried to jsut straight out tell her goodbye. And she would not let me say goodbye.It got to the point where we just did not communicate for about 3 months or so.Then... mainly because she refused to tell me goodbye before... I contacted her again, and asked her straight out if she wanted our friendship to end...and she said no. Since then, we have met in person once, and we watched a movie and went window shopping and jsut talked... but not about the serious issue that needs discussing.However... She insisted that I send her my work schedule so she coudl come and visit me at work, and she made a point of telling me she had fun, and that we should do it again sometime. All we did, besides watch the movie, was window shop.It has been a month since then, and she hasn't visited, or contacted except for once or twice, by accident, through e-mail. I knwo her well enough to say that if she did not want to talk to me/ see me, she'd tell me straight out.What's the best thign to do in this situation? I find myself unable to let go unless she let's go... and it seems to me like she won't let go.Do you think there's even a possibility to move this relationship to the next level?Don't get me wrong, I really like this girl.... otherwise I would have just given up a long time ago.But it becomes a question of when is it that friendship starts becoming destructive and harmful, it seems like to me.It doesn't matter to me that much if I get hurt... I really just don't want her to get hurt, but I just don't know the best way to procceed, and it seems like she's confused.Ah, and she is 20 years old, and I am 26, to get that out of the way.
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at work, christmas, co-worker, crush Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): I am sorry that you are stuck in this emotional turmoil. You are looking for a different answer than what has been given you. This girl has been very clear that she is only interested in friendship with you, but you are still hoping that she will change her mind. This is very unlikely.
If you cannot be 'just friends' with this girl without it causing emotional turmoil in your life, then you need to cut all contact with her. This will not hurt her, it will only hurt you. She will feel the absence of your presence in her life, but she will not mourn the loss.
You will find someone to return your feelings of love.... in time. The sooner you let go of this, the sooner you will be happy.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (24 June 2009):
 She really wants to be your friend and no more. Seems that you are nice to her, and she truly does value your friendship. But she was very clear that she doesn't want a relationship with you, and if you keep pushing you will get nowhere. If you can't accept that it's only a friendship you should move on.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Anon1926 +, writes (23 June 2009):
Anon1926 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat person I blew up at... you don't understand what that person was doing.
That person also has a prison record, she's a freaking con.
It was simply my misfortune that I met that person around the same time I met that girl I got a crush on.
I don't care about what people do, or believe in, but when they start playing mind games, not just with me, but half the crew, I start drawing the line there.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (23 June 2009):
 Hi there
I can feel your passion for this girl. At work I feel she felt awkward. As much as many people meet their partners at work, relationships at work can be awkward as everyone watches and gossips. It was probably a gods blessing that you left because as you can see the relatipnship got better afterwards - she felt more comfortable.
I have been reading some excellent books by John Gray that helps understand relationship cycles. It certainly helped me to understand mind - Men are from Venus and Women are from Mars" - something like that - well recommended.
Women do not like to be chased. Leave her from a while. I do feel she still likes you. She probably feels guilty but will get over it.
Give her a ring in a couple of weeks but be light. do not make any demands. She how she responds and take it from there. If she remains negative - do not waste any more tim on her - You sound like a lovely fellow - There are many more girls out there - I use to hate people saying that too me - buit it is true.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): I think you are stuck as friends and losing your job over how pushy and reactive emotionally you are when it comes to matter of love should be some sort of sign to you that you come on too strong. Losing your job over how you acted means you have a problem letting your emotions interfere with normal functioning and developing relationships with women. Don't keep making the same mistakes. She's just your friend so don't push.
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