A
female
age
30-35,
*RZ_SHANELL
writes:The situation is that my 1st true love got killd Sept. 09 n i havent really been able to cope with that to well. then i met this guy n he seems wonderful n i really feel comfortable around and his child and his parents are very nice and sweet. him and i have been together since jan.21 and now he's telling me that he loves me and i dont think im ready for that and ive been kinda pushin him away......please tell me what i should do, because i feel lost. i mean i know i cant get the one i want back but i just feels very strange to be in someone else's arms. i been through a few boyfriends actually 4 in 1 month n he ended up being the lucky 1 n now that he's getting to close i'm pushin him away too n idk wut to do anymore plz anyone help me!!!!!!! i'm only 18 yrs old, i'm in college, i work, i carry my own.....with help but i'm just trying to complete my life plz help if you can thank yu Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): I am sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is always painful.
It sounds like things are going well with this new guy, but he may be taking thngs too fast. Telling you that he loves you is a bit soon in my opinion, and I think it would bother me a bit too. Maybe you could explain to him that while you like him, it is all a bit much at the moment, and you would like to take things more slowly. I'm sure he would be understanding about that. You are also probably still coming to terms with what happened to your first love, and that cannot be rushed. So take things at your own pace, and trust your feelings.
As for whether it is okay to love someone else after your first love is gone, yes, it is. It doesn't mean you forget that specail person. They will always be with you and in your heart. But it is still very much okay to move forward in your life when you are ready, and if you find somebody who brings you happiness, that is a blessing. I'm sure your first love would be happy to know that you were not alone, and were moving on in your life. They wouldn't want you to feel guilty for finding love again, or for those feelings to hold you back.
But it is all very much about you, how you feel, and when you feel ready. So take your time, and allow the healing to happen at your own pace. I really do wish you the best for your future. x
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 March 2010):
You have to do it when you're ready. Your response to this guy shows that you are not ready yet. Of course you are allowed to love again, and of course it will happen. The one you love would want that. Your response, having 4 boyfriends and him just being lucky, shows you're just not ready yet. There is no rush to find another guy. No rush at all. If you rush, you're going to end up even more hurt that you are now. This is the time to really focus on yourself and your own life. Take your time, and don't rush it. I would suggest you end it with this guy, and really focus on your life.
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