A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Well, here I am, a 25 year old woman and I have never had a relationship with a man, in all these years have never even held a man's hand. I don't know what I can do to improve my lot in life, because I feel completely rejected by the entire male sex. To them, it seems like I am not an option... and never have been. Every time I try to get men's attention it feels futile: I'll get a new dress and heels and go out, but no takers. If someone in particular has captured my fancy, I usually get the "let's just be friends speech." I'll try to muster the courage to be flirtatious and funny but it would seem that no matter what comes out of my mouth I just get passed over for the leggy blonde in the corner. (Once about a year ago a bunch of men working with me just started talking about some escapade at a club the night before and it didn't even register that I might be offended... like I wasn't even a woman.) My friends tell me that I am not totally hideous but on the other hand I have never had a man exactly looking at me with any kind of longing. I admit as to coming off a little rough but I know in my heart that if given the chance I would treat him like a king-no guy would feel unloved if he were mine. I have to know, what am I doing wrong? When is it going to be my turn at last?
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female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (24 March 2014):
I was where you are 5yrs ago. I'm attractive, intelligent, stylish, kind and many other positive things but no man seemed to want me. I wanted my turn too. I kept praying and asking God not to pass me by when he was pairing people. My friends were supportive but I got the feeling they were pitying me. What your friends said about your looks etc was demoralizing. How rude!
After a while my confidence dropped and I don't want the same to happen to you. I tried internet dating secretly because I felt embarrassed about what people would say. I met someone online and had my first date at age 24. And my first proper kiss too. But he ditched me for someone else and basically made me feel worthless. I slipped into depression and when I recovered, I vowed never to have a relationship again or think about romance. I also did'nt feel the need I had before to find someone.
I shut down and focused on my career and repairing my selfesteem and confidence. Suddenly I noticed men paying me attention and it's only increased. I've been on another date since my last one 5yrs ago...lol pathetic I know but I'm actually dating when I thought it'd never happen to me. But it felt good and again I met him online and he was a gentleman and made me feel so loved. It did'nt work out but men are still paying me attention in real life. Why I tell you my story is because time hasn't run out for you. You may meet someone tomorrow, next year or whenever.
As a good friend said to me ''you never know what's around the corner'' and you don't. Let the future take care of itself but for now, look after you and focus your love and attention on other people.
A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (24 March 2014):
 First of all, let me reassure you that you're not the only woman that's been passed over for a leggy blonde, LOL. Hands up who hasn't. How did you feel in that new dress and heels? Did you feel sexy and confident or anxious and uncomfortable? We can dress the part but if it's just not us then we're not fooling anyone. Next time you go out, wear a dress and heels you love. Do your hair and make up to your taste - if you feel happy and pretty with just a dab of foundation and lippy then wear that. Don't try to be or say something that just isn't you. Be yourself. Talk to as many men as possible, not just the ones you perceive as 'your type'. Don't just limit yourself to nightclubs either, tell all your friends and family you're looking for love and be open to blind dates. Accept social invitations to parties and get-togethers. You'll find that special guy, it's just a matter of time. The best ones are worth the wait.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 March 2014):
Where are you meeting men, and what type do you like? Chances are you're either not quote in the right places, or you like the same type of man that has the same type of flaw each time. Take a look at what you want from a man, where you meet them etc. You need to be clear what you're looking for. Once you know what you're looking for, you'll also start to know where to find them.
And, whilst it's easier said that done, try to find some more confidence in yourself. The best description you gave of yourself is that you're not totally hideous! That is not the description a confident woman would give. Men can smell a lack of confidence in a woman, and it's off-putting. After all, if you're not keen on yourself, it's hard for anyone else to be.
Just take a look at your own confidence, your own life, and look at what you want from a man. When you're more sure of yourself, and what you want, the right man will see it.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (22 March 2014):
Dear OP,
Chances are you're not doing anything wrong. Some people just have a harder time finding someone. But here are some thoughts of mine about how to improve your odds:
1) Finding a boyfriend may greatly depend on the number of single men in your circle of friends, on the number of hobbies you share with single men, on the number of occasions you get to talk to singles. If you only go out once every 2 or 3 months and otherwise spend all your time with a group of girls, you're likely to stay single, no matter how great your looks and personality. Because you just don't meet enough single men or don't get the chance to know them. My biggest advice therefore: Go out to many places where you find single men! Don't hide at home, no one will find you there (unless you go online).
2) If you worry too much about being single, it brings you down. And then you're sad. And that sadness radiates, so single men feel like if they'd date you, they bring more sadness into their own lives. And who wants that, if he has a choice? So,my second advice is to do things which make you happy. Don't wait to do all the fun stuff until you find the right person to do it with. That way, you'll be an independent woman by the time you meet someone plus it will be easier to come up with great ideas to spend your time together.
3) Looks. Men are visual, but simple. They react to "cues" of sexiness and miss subtle hints. No time to admire your beautiful jaw line or the elegance of your walk, your inner values or stuff like that - at least not when you're a stranger and they meet you at a club or just while passing by!
I had to learn this myself. Some years ago, I still had pretty much the same body and personality, yet I'd hardly ever get any attention from guys. I was wearing nice but rather loose clothes, had a rather short and natural haircut and did some make up, but minimalist. When I went out to clubs I was wearing a pair of jeans and sneakers. Numbers of men who paid attention to me: Zero.
Then, I discovered that there's kind of a "magic formula" for me to get attention when going out: I colored my hair blonde and had it grow long. Started wearing skirts or dresses plus heels and giving myself some smokey eyes make up. You wouldn't believe how much more attention I'm getting, it's ridiculous and almost scary. I didn't change my weight, height or anything, just started to look more like a sexy cliché. So, before you worry about BEING unattractive just ask yourself if your STYLE is unattractive to men. You mentioned wearing dress and heels, but there are different styles of dresses and not all of them are sexy. And if you want attention at a club, you need to wear sexy clothes. You won't find your prospective husband or boyfriend there, of course, but you can test if you're already on men's radar. And boost your self-confidence plus have some fun.
So, dear OP, if you go out next time, let's say to a club: Don't wear a black dress (it's dark there) but one in a bright color or a pattern that will catch attention or at least wear some bright accessories so you don't get swallowed in the darkness of the club. Wear a dress that flatters you and draws attention to either your legs, butt or cleavage. If you're a little chubby in the middle (like me) you can also wear a skirt and shirt and make sure one of them sits really tight, the other one loose. If you're known to be a little rough, then try to look like a rough, but sexy woman. Grrrr! What about a rocky/punky style for you?
Also, if you're going out, don't go there with a herd of girls that you stick to all night. Go to a club with one friend, or make some excuses every now and then to separate yourself from the group, because that's the time you'll be approached by men.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2014): One fine day, you'll meet a man who will be nuts about you and you about him. It has nothing to do with looks or personality, it's about meeting the right person. You don't need hundreds of suitors, you just need one. They say every pot has a lid, yours will find you. You have to believe that or you'll doom yourself with negativity.
Until the right guy comes along, try to relax. Enjoy the little things in life. Do what you won't be able to do when you're in a committed relationship. Being single can be lonely, but being in a relationship can also be very consuming. Try to enjoy this "selfish" part of life before it's over.
Relax. Your time will come!!!!
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