A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and I want to know if what I'm feeling is just paranoia or is it real? My boyfriend is a tattoo artist and he's been going to clients houses to work. I get very "freaked out" by this because he only does art on women..attractive women. He claims that he cant appear as though he has a girlfriend because he wont be able to get any work from women if they know about me. I'm only allowed to go with him if it's a male client or an unnattractive, overweight female. And he has recently been staying out till atleast 5 a.m claiming he is still working on their tattoos. But when I ask him why hes still there he gets defensive and says "I'm not arguing about this." My family told me at the beginning of our relationship that he wasnt right for me, and usually if a man doesnt meet my standards emotionally, I leave. But theres something about this man that makes me want to stay no matter what. I have one theory. See i'm 21 and my boyfriend is 30. I grew up without a father and at times I think of my boyfriend somewhat of a male figure. Hes the oldest man i've ever dated and at times I catch myself seeking his approval like a daughter would. Am I crazy for staying with this man? I dont know if hes cheating. I've been looking for the physical signs and have found none. Should I leave based on the simple fact that he excludes me from his career?
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has a girlfriend, overweight, tattoo Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Yeah you are, but anyhow why would you attendhim going to a client's house letalone whether they are male or female. i think that he's not right for you, but you'll find someone elsse
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (6 May 2009):
 A tatoo "artist" for a father figure? Geez, keep reaching for the stars baby!
And he goes to their homes?
Does he take all his equipment with him, including a couch to work by that is high enough and all the inks and needles and other materials as well as example artwork. And the stuff to clean up the mess? Oh and bring some quality lightning to see what he is doing.
And all that in the middle of the night?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): Gina raises a good point here - about working on their tattoos.
Maybe he's telling the truth in a roundabout way after all - espcially if he tattooed them some time ago, in some intimate places. I bet he's not working on them with needles and ink though!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): it sounds you arent a match, why wouldn't he get work if he is dating someone? isn't it just tattoos? he is up to something, if he wasn't, it wouldn't be an issue in the first place. Most men only go as far as the woman allows him to, is that what you want?
Sometimes you feel attracted to someone who you know isn't the right person for you, it happens to the best of us. try to work it out, if he doesn't comply, walk and you'll find someone who's a better match for you....
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (6 May 2009):
 Is he working long hours? Is is necessary to work these odd hours? Surely there isn't that much demand for tatoo art at all hours of the day and night? Surely people could be fitted in during the day as a normal appointment time? Are these clients visiting the shop in the same way that they would in the day? OR is he visiting people in their home?
Everybody has a work pasona and how you need to come across, is sometimes different than you are at home. Perhaps the real person is somewhere between how you are at work and at home.
So you assume he has being doing the tatoo art say late into the evening and then it turns into a social and then what?
If you have been together for a while you don't want any line of work coming between you, too long hours whatever. I know that's in an ideal world. Perhaps he started doing evening work for extra chash at one point, then word of mouth? Why don't you discuss about sticking to more normal hours so you can see more of each-other? That way there is a different slant on the issue.
If he really respects and loves you, then he will avoid situations where there is the potential for something happening after work. He would have his working week organised in a normal way to avoid conflict and the potential of a fling etc.
Fiona.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): Just ask yourself if any sane, attractive woman would want to be tattoed during the night shift!
You know something isn't right - far from it - trust your instinct, I'm sure it's quite right.
I don't think he's excluding you from his carrer so much as excluding you from his overnight romps.
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