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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi. I am 23 years old engaged and living with my fiancee for the past 2 years. We have no kids. Both of our families think that we are married and we wear wedding bands to show everyone as we are married. Yet, there was never any paper signed or ceremony. I have been pushing him to go sign the papers with me, but so far there hasn't been any result except for promises after promises. I feel that his love for me is fading already as he didn't even write me a card for Valentine's day.So far, I have suggested to take some time apart to see if it would improve our relationship. He wouldn't hear it. I am getting so tired of asking, pushing, nagging, crying, and fighting over it. I guess my real question is that when is it time to leave? When is the point of "enough is enough"?Thank you in advance.
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female
reader, prttymtlkitty +, writes (18 April 2006):
 Well I find that the quicker you pull back the quicker they pull there little head out. May want to check your marriage motives tho. Is it about saving face w. your family? I don't understand what the rush is all about? I have a feeling you are displeased w. more then that about your relationship, although thats the theme or focus. Try addressing that stuff first before you talk about getting married for real, but either way I would agree that a step back is in order.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2006): You know, you have a choice in this matter right? If he won't hear it and you're sick of it, then you can do the "take time apart" initiative.
According to your post, it's obvious he doesn't understand how u feel. If he does, the least he can do is address the issue.
Whatever you initiate, isn't a break (nor a break-up) from the relationship. It's just you testing to see what he will do, and the lengths he will take to get you (back). Understand? If he doesn't do anything, then you know where his heart lies.
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female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (18 April 2006):
Your family think you are already married - did they ask you when you got married? Did they ask you why you didn't invite them? What kind of lies did you have to tell?
When and how did you start wearing wedding rings? What discussion did you have about that at the time?
If you are living with him, are you renting? Do you have shared finances? Even if you are not going to get married, you ought to have some kind of agreement to establish your financial relationship with him - that is basic self protection and you should see a lawyer to sort that out.
Of course, if you are going to do this, then really it might be better just to get married.
What reasons is he giving for not actually getting married?
You haven't said that you are unhappy with the relationship, but it is implied because of his lack of commitment to you - a lack of commitment can make you feel very vulnerable and unloved - does he really understand how you feel about that? You need to tell him, and you need to understand what doubts he has which is leading him not to get married.
Bear in mind that you are both still very young.
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