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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have several issues in my 4 year relationship p. I would like to address them but my partner just shuts down and doesn't engage. It's like talking to a wall. I never get any response, except 'just look forward'. Is there any hope and can this work if my partner won't discuss our issues? I have tried over the years but I eventually have to let go of whatever the issue was. I am unsure of what to do because I feel like my feelings and needs don't matter. I would like to be able to talk to my partner- just be heard. But it doesn't happen. Is it time for me to leave? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (7 February 2016):
 Time to leave? I think depending on the issues it's a too soon to jump situation.
He may just not want to get into an argument. Or he could be doing the ostrich thing and sticking his head in the sand.
Personally i've been on the other side of this, and every question turned into a debate, then a slagging match. So you learn to just nod and agree.
Your post is all about him, what about yourself. Are you a nagger?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2016): There are several reasons why people shutdown and refuse to discuss emotional issues. If the topic is too controversial or volatile, they will avoid confrontation. If your style and delivery comes across as nagging and complaining. If you go on and on, beating around the bush; but never really getting to the point. If you're accusatory and overly critical. Nobody wants to listen to that.
If every discussion ends in hurt feelings, an argument, or there is too much emotionalizing; men tend to avoid talking about problems in the relationship. Especially when he's always what's wrong with the relationship.
If there are problems that remain unresolved and he refuses to talk about them; then you must consider whether it's time to bring this relationship to a close. Don't waste anymore of your time trying to get through to someone who doesn't feel your relationship is important enough to work through and improve. If there's no communication, there's no relationship. You're in it all by yourself, and doing all the work. No divorce is required, so you can leave anytime you like.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (6 February 2016):
 You ask if it's time to leave? It rather depends on the issues you want to discuss. Can you provide some more information without being indiscreet?
The reason for avoiding questions is often to avoid conflict, particularly if they could be make or break questions.
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