A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I recently went to sex store this week to buy toys for me and my girlfriend, we're lesbians. So I bought the vibrators, bullets, eggs, and dildos for us along with anal beads and lube. I told my girlfriend I'd like to use it on her during our lovemaking session. Well I specifically asked her can I use the 7 1/2 inch vibrating dildo on her vaginally. She flips out n says hell nah. So I got greatly offended. I've bought her toys before with no problem and even used it on her during sex with no objection from her. So when she said hell nah yesterday, I nearly toppled over. It upset me bc the first time we had sex I didn't want to bc I wasn't ready and yet she did it anyway. I figured since she already had me held down giving me oral there wasn't much I could do, so instead of physically hurting her I felt like well damn. Then when I was self consciences about my home and bringing her to my humble living I was reluctant and told her I'll invite her when I gain more confidence. Well we were suppose to meet up away from my house and she calls me telling me she's lost only for me to rush out to find her and she's outside my front door and barged in on me when I opened. So its like when I don't want something and I say no she always end up taking what she wants. So it pissed me when she says no to me but she takes whatever she wants. I'm also hurt by this bc I feel unequal to her. I allowed so much of this bc I didn't know if she was abused as a child....so I swallowed my dislike hoping shell treat me fairly. It's been two years now and she still takes or gets whatever she wants. N I feel robbed.
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (1 April 2012):
 I'm sorry but I agree with the other person who replied here. I think this isn't the person for you. I don't think she is treating you with the respect we all deserve. I really don't.
This isn't about her saying no to the toy, really. This is about her just bulldozing your feelings whenever she wants, and then when you make some small proposition towards her, she just rejects it out of hand. If SHE doesn't want to do something, then hell no, she is not doing it. But if you don't want to do something, she takes no notice and does it anyhow.
And you're absolutely right - that isn't ok. Not at all.
You know what, you have been so nice, and fair, and understanding. Worried that maybe she was abused as a child. Look, maybe she IS damaged - maybe bad things HAVE happened to her - but I don't think you are the right person, in that case, to take her on. She sounds very dominant in some ways, and you have to be a certain type of thick-skinned person to stand up to that. And you sound ... well, just too nice for her.
So, if you can, I really think you should start to consider how you might move on.
Good luck : )
A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (1 April 2012):
Have you actually sat her down and talked to her about how upset it made you when she said you couldnt use the vibrator on her yet when you tell her no about other things she does it anyways? It sounds like she doesnt really take you seriously but what i wonder is if she does in on purpose or not. She shouldnt do it either way but if its not intentional then i think you need to assert yourself more. If you werent ready and she had you pinned down then you yell stop and push her off. You dont need to hurt her but you can not let anyone violate you. Stand up for yourself. If she barged into your house when you said that you didnt want her over yet then you tell her again i am not comfortable with you at my home yet lets go elsewhere or politely ask her to leave and you can get together another day. Just do not allow her to do things that are disrespectful. Dont be treated like a doormat if it doesnt improve then reevaluate your relationship.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (31 March 2012):
 Leave her.
Plain and simple.
You should NEVER have stayed with someone that forced you to have sex with them, thas sexual assult and a crime! What type of person is she if she can do that to you.
You deserve better, someone you can feel equal with and has the respect to wait for you and do things you want too.
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