A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a relationship with someone and have been for 5 months. Everything has been great thus far, but we are starting to experience problems in the bedroom. Our sex is amazing. The best either of us have had. I have a great connection with my partner. However, whenever we are up against the clock, I find that I just can't perform!Earlier this week we had to wake up early so that I could drive her home and then go to work. I hate being late, but she was in the mood and I didn't want to disappoint her. So I tried, but I just couldn't maintain an erection.This has happened to me before in the past and it causes me a lot of frustration and distress whenever it happens. Once I lose my erection, it takes me a long time to get it back. It plays on my mind through the day and causes me a lot of stress. So much so that my Penis actually feels numb. It's horrible, it's emasculating and I hate it. I went to the doctor about it a few years ago and they said that the problem was mental not physical.Anyway, we got over it. I saw her a couple of days later, I got my mojo back and everything was fine... But this morning it happened again!! I had to run her into work and I knew we had to be out of the house in 20 minutes. Things started fine! I woke up, I had morningwood, she performed oral on me.. everything was great! Then she said that she wanted sex and immediately I felt like I was losing it. Sure enough, about a minute later, it's gone. Again.To make matters worse, I'm not going to get to see my girlfriend for about a week. She seemed a little cold and distant from me, and on the way to work she asked if I thought that we were good for each other, which wasn't at all comforting or reassuring.I love her very much and we are SO good together. I've suggested we stop having sex when we are short on time, but is that really normal? Does this happen to other people? Some people seem to enjoy the challenge, but I just can't. I would hate for something like this to do any damage to our relationship.What can I do? How do I break down this mental barrier? Is it normal to lose your ability to get an erection for days on end? And why do I lose it when I know the clock is ticking?
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female
reader, jls022 +, writes (8 December 2013):
It's the pressure you are putting yourself under that's causing this to happen. You worry that you won't be able to get an erection, which stresses you out and that stress kills the erection. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think only having sex when you have enough time to relax and enjoy it is a good idea because it will take some of that pressure away. If I were you I'd also subtly reassure your girlfriend that it's got nothing to do with her. No woman I've ever met will hold it against a guy if they can't perform now and again (I mean sometimes I'm just not feeling it either but as a girl it's ok because I can still perform. I really feel for men in that respect), but many do automatically think it's because they are unattractive and that could cause her to be distant. Please try not to worry so much or put so much pressure on yourself. It's not the end of the world. Oh and I also find if I'm struggling to get turned on I concentrate on pleasuring my boyfriend on instead. It takes the focus away from me and usually results in me getting really excited because I see how much he is loving it. Might be worth a try :)
A
male
reader, J.B +, writes (8 December 2013):
It does sound as though it is all in your head. If you spend your day thinking about it and worrying then it isn't going to make it any better.
If it happens then just put it out of your mind and be done with it (I know, a lot easier said than done). That is all you have to do though.
It probably happened in the first place because you were too preoccupied with getting to work that it distracts you from sex and makes you worry about being late.
I guess you are just going to have to not have rushed sex or simply relax and enjoy.
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