A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I've been seeing a guy for around 6 months. It was going well until a around a month ago. He told me he was looking to live on his own in future or a buy a place with his sister. In principal, Im not against this but at the time it made me feel like he wasn't looking to live with me perhaps in the future. We spoke about it , I was a bit concerned that he didn't seem to be able to talk about his future plans (i.e. not us, but his plans for the future) without stressing out or thinking I was putting the pressure on. But ever since then it hasn't really been the same and he has been more distant. I cant help thinking after 6 months maybe we should be spending more time together or generally closer. Im finding it quite tricky to get to know him as when we do hang out it is usually with his friends and there isn't much time we spend together. We live over an hour away from each other and I usually go to his to make things easier. I've brought up id like us to spend more time together recently and he has taken this as me nagging. If I bring this up he either goes silent for a day or so, or calls me nag. He has responded to this by suggesting we split up. I'd like us to spend more time together yes. not all the time, but more than just weekends. I would also like us to go on 'dates' or maybe even some trips - I think that is important to get to know each other outside of our comfort zones and something Ive found really good in previous relationships. I don't think he is against this but recently work commitments etc quite understandably have put things on hold. Recently my father became really ill with dementia and is nearing the end. It has entirely shifted my perception of what is important in life and also has put a huge strain on our family as emotionally it is incredible tough. I have tried hard not to let this impact my romantic life (genuinely, no crying, no stressed out phone calls, nothing) ) but my emotions aren't really very clear at the moment to me, even if I have managed not to show too much. I am feeling a strong urge to be with someone I love and can be close to for the long term, and also not get attached to someone who is not going to be good for me. On the plus side, this situation has given a couple of good opportunities for him to earn my trust and be supportive - and he has stayed distant. This has made me feel he is perhaps not ready for the kind of relationship I am. I am confused as to whether what is going on back home is clouding my judgement, or whether this relationship just doesn't work long term. I don't want to get caught up in my own timelines but equally I don't want to waste my time on someone who isn't looking at being with me long term. I'm not sure I want to get married or have kids (that said, I am starting to come around to the idea of kids now that my friends are starting families), but I do want to live with a partner.
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (4 December 2013):
 Your gut instinct is giving you some pretty strong messages:
1. This guy is not in this relationship for the long haul
2. He is giving you the option to leave him. NOt a good sign.
3. He makes no effort to see you one on one.
4. He offers no emotional support during this difficult time.
This guy seems to be taking more of your energy and giving nothing back. You're more like a convenience to him. He is treating you badly.
Listen to your gut! Cut this guy loose. You are right. You need and deserve a supportive boyfriend who appreciates your loving qualities, and who wants to spend time with you.
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