A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi i really need help with a problem ,,, me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years ,im 20 hes 25, we have a 10 month old son,, things are usually great between us,,, until we drink ,, its not him really,, mainly when i drink vodka,, i hit him,, ive done it 3 time since january and feel so low and guilty ,, i dont know what comes over me, its really horrible! he thinks i dont love him but i do i couldnt imagine my life without him,, it happened again lastnight,, we had an arguemet bcause he was drink driving,and was being cocky with me infront of his friends in the car! i was so worried about him and it went from there,,really dont want to lose him but sorry just isnt enough and i dont know if we will get through this!! iv realised i need to stop drinking full stop now but what can i do to make it up to him please help xxx Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankss for your advice its helped, were speaking a little now, i dont expect things to go back to normal straight away it will take time and i have plenty of it ! when i said it happens when we drink , its doesnt happen all the time , he works and im at college so we drink rarely and sometimes when we do we get on fine , its just those 3 time weve drank its happened , it was our 1s drink in about 4 weeks! were not alcoholics, i feel terrible because i just cant imagine how hurt hes feeling , and i think he will end up hating me, were taking it slowly at the moment , i just want to say thanks to those who wrote back , its good to hear advise from people who are not involved!! and its better getting a few diffarent opinions , yous are a real help! thankyou xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): You have a 10month old son and you go around drinking? I don't know if even your friends and the people you know are like this, but I will say that it's not good for your health and the health of your child.STOP DRINKING! For your sake! See a doctor if you really can't stop...Please! Things will be better, you'll see.Best wishes
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A
female
reader, pebble +, writes (7 June 2009):
 Get drink out of your lives. Both of you. There is NO excuse for violence and NO excuse for drink driving. Think of your son.
Alcohol is destructive force in both of your lives. And both of you have some issues to sort out.
And if he won't cooperate then leave. It comes down to what is most important to you - booze or the health and saftey of you and those around you, including your child.
If you need any motivation then think about the moment when you hit him with something dangerous, he's unconcious, bleeding from the head and your son is standing in the doorway watching.
Or the moment when he comes through the door telling you he's hit a child with the car, left them in the road and needs you to lie to the police for him when they inevitably come over.
Or how about when the police come knocking at 2am because your boyfriend has crashed his car into a wall in his drunken stupor and paramedics couldn't save him.
I don't mean to sound harsh, I think you understand how serious this is already. Far too many tragic endings can come from your situation. If you feel you can do it without a doctor then do it now, swear you'll never have a drink again and mean it.
If you need other help then don't be afraid to ask for medication or even better, a cousellor to talk things through things with. Whatever you feel is the best option for you.
And next time, if you catch him drink driving, don't hit him, call the police. He is the lowest of the low if he thinks that's in any way impressive.
But you have taken the first step by asking for help and for that you should be proud, it should give you hope.
I wish you all the best, I really do. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): from a guy...
First, the species of the alcohol delivery (vodka, tequilla, etc.) has nothing at all to do with your actions while intoxicated.
Alcohol is disinhibiting. That means when we are intoxicated inhibitions, those learned characteristics that prevent us from doing certain things that we deep-down want to do, are eliminated. When our inhibitions are eliminated by alcohol, often we then actually do those things that were off-limits before.
Depending on the person, all sorts of things come out: little guys try to beat up bigger guys, people have sex, people run around naked in public, and in your case you choose to hit the significant male in your life. So, if it is any consolation, tell him that you would have hit any guy in his position, not just him.
You need to (1) cut down on your drinking to avoid peaks and smooth out the buzz, and (2) reflect on why you have the subconscious urge to hit him. You will likely learn a great deal about yourself and benefit from it.
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A
male
reader, Ted-ster  +, writes (7 June 2009):
Good for you. You first need to take care of yourself, more than just 12 hours, and stop drinking, if not for you, for your son. You're both alcholics. Treatment is best to help you stop. You're an angry drunk. Your husband is a stupid drunk. Free counseling services are available. Just make one appointment -- be brave -- for your son, again, if not for yourself. Be brave. You can do it. So many people have. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Do it for your son. He needs you. You'll be so proud of yourself if you do. Answers will follow more clearly if your husband doesn;t follow suit. Best wishes sweetie.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 June 2009):
Easy.
Stop drinking. Tell him you will no longer drink.
If you are serious about him then surely you love him more than the chance to get drunk.
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): i think your choice to stop drinking is the best way to show him that you love him, and doesn't want to hurt him anymore. Of course it can't be healed all at once- Telling him the reason of why you stopped drinking is a way of perhaps making him feel better.
Even though hitting him was a bit over the limit (as you've already realised :)) even if he was abit cocky. Which he shouldn't have been.
this is my advice : P i'm sure other people will come with more answers. i think mine was a bit too short pehaps.
I wish you happiness to your relationship! :)
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