A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I lived with a man for 2 years but it was a re-bound relationship. He is a great man but 15 yrs older, treated me like a queen. We split up and we both had other relationships this was 3 yrs ago. I fell in love with someone else and am not quite over it plus have had much trama many family and friends deaths and a stalker. He has still been pursuing me, he has always wanted to get married still does. We went out last night and everyone thinks we should get married. But I really love this other man eventhough we broke up (3 months - not due to love but an odd circumstance) but now are becoming friends again. Am I just acting crazy? Here I have a man who adores me but I am just not ready to jump into bed with him. Although I did just see the recent ex he was there for me as a friend because father is very ill but then we slept together. Should I tell the recent ex that this man wants to get married and see his response. Or should I just marry the man who really adores me and make it work. I am no spring chicken and I have never been married - many proposals, rings, etc. Is something wrong with me? Do I only want the one I cant get? Am I being stupid? What should I do? In my mind I would marry the recent ex today but I dont think he wants that or we wold be together.
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female
reader, kelly44221 +, writes (18 June 2009):
 i have had this problem many many times. i always want someone i cant have. someone who only wants to be my friend. but i agree with the other person who responded to your question. you dont have to settle for either one of these guys. sometimes it better to be alone for a while to clear your head
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (7 June 2009):
 You need to decide what you want in a relationship and what you are willing to forgo. There is an attraction thing that is not there with the man who adores you and that is not a good foundation for a marriage. It's called settling.
Why do you have to chose either of these guys? I think if you settle for the guy you don't really love that you will be unhappy and what if down the road you find the one? I don't think you should pursue things with the ex who perhaps doesn't feel the same about you because he can not give you what you want. You will not be happy in either of these scenarios.
It's not about when you get married, it's about who you marry. Sometimes when we find ourselves chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same it's because we aren't ready.
There's nothing wrong with you. You just haven't found the one.
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