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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So there is this guy who I love deeply (or maybe its infatuation for a whole year). I think he has feelings for me although sometimes am not so sure. Last night while we were chatting, I told him that I loved him and he said "That ain't no secret" but when I asked "Do you, Love me"? He just replied with , "I'd rather not comment" so am a bit confused because he admitted he has feelings for me and when I am around him he cannot keep his hands off me so what gives? Does he love me or not? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2015): He sent his ex a ticket to visit him over christmas???????#...2.....1....... He's outta here!
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (11 January 2015):
Yes, I think ending it would be the best OP. Tell him that whatever you two have is not working for you and that you've made up your mind to end it and then cut all contact. He might suddenly try to sweet talk you. Don't let it fool you: if a guy can only do that when he's about to lose you, he's not gonna keep it up when he has you back.
Good people treat you well at all times. Remember that. You deserve someone who genuinely loves you and tells you that. Also, never settle for people who have a habit of passing the blame onto everyone but themselves. That's a really bad personality trait.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2015): No, it just seemed that each answer was really a series of questions. It was something Barbara Walters asked Katharine Hepburn (being serious)during an interview way back.The look on Hepburn's face is priceless. That question has become synonymous with vapid attempts by the person asking the question to appear to be more informed than what they really are. I just saw that answer asking you if he has a girlfriend? And Why do you love this particular man? How is it that you are talking about your principles and morals? Have you been out on dates? I realize that people can not answer you without enough information to assess your situation, but the rapid fire rate that text made this appear to be asked, put me in a whimsical mood and made me think of that now legendary interview.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_X2Xd1iOmM
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel like an idiot too .. sigh. I am ending this now
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (11 January 2015):
Wait, he sent his ex a plane ticket so she could visit him for christmas? And he's blaming you? The fact he can't even tell you if he's single, after a whole year, is pretty shitty too. I'm sorry, but he sounds like an ass. You're just so infatuated with him you let him string you along, while you deserve a lot better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIs that a trick question? @Radner
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2015): If you were a tree what kind of tree would you be?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLike I said.. its been a year and it is possible its infatuation.. (mentally for me), (physically for him). Im interested in him, ok and I tend to try to explain what I want or would like to be with the guy I like to see if he would fall in that bracket and NO we havent gone on dates. He asked me couple times, I said Yes and we never got to them because we have these lil arguments sometimes. We got into a fight late November and then He sent a plane ticket to his ex and got her to come home for xmas and blamed me for that whole ordeal.. they ended up in a fight ...sighss... Its complicated!!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 January 2015):
 Why do love this particular man? How is it that you are talking about your principles and morals? Could it be that you are moving too fast, declaring love before you really know and understand one another?
Have you been out on dates?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys for all the advice. @Tisha-1, I just asked him what he meant by the 'Risk' and he said my personality is unstable and i'm immature? Does that even make any sense. We chat through whatsapp and face to face regular until a few days ago. He doesnt have a girlfriend, then again am not sure because of late hes been saying alot of stuff I dont understand .. like the "Risk" , how he would never be single and even if he is he wont say and its all soo confusing to me !!! As regard to "imaturity" , I guess its bcus I tell him abt my principles and morals often .. abt how i wanna be sure where we are or if am even on the same page as him...
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 January 2015):
By the way, are you chatting via text or other social media platform, or are you actually talking face to face?
Does he have a girlfriend or something?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 January 2015):
So when he says something that you don't understand, you are free to ask him to clarify.
"Sorry, I don't understand. Why is being with me a risk?"
I think he's being honest as he can but is relying on you to not ask him the followup questions because you will not be happy with hearing his truthful answers.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 January 2015):
 He does not love you. And he knows you love him.
He likes you. He likes you a lot and wants to spend time with you till someone who he loves comes along.
I used to say "I love you" a lot to my partner. Then I got my current husband. He rarely says I love you and he told me in the beginning that he would never say it even if he felt it.
BUT he showed me in his actions. AND we came up with codes for "I love you" till he got comfortable saying it.
After all hearing my husband say "damn you to hell" when he got off the phone with me confused folks... but since that was my first reaction when I realized I was in love with him it's become a joke for us as a way to say "I love you"
IF you have been together and been sexual with him for more than a year... this is as good as it's going to get
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your input everyone especially @Tisha-1 && Euphoric29. Its sad to hear but I would rather be battered by the truth than comforted with a lie. UPDATE: So the next day, he invited me to come and chill with him for a while and I said No and I asked him to tell me something honest because I don't know if all he has told me was a lie but then he said "I love you" but being with you is a Risk!
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reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 January 2015):
 I'm with Tisha and Euphoric. IF you have a partner who YOU love.... and to whom you say so.... AND you have reason to believe that they love you.... AND they don't (say so).... they are sending you a strong message...
I stayed with a woman for 7 years, and never heard her say that. (Several exchanges (all the same): Me: "I love you." Her: "Yes, and I like you, too.")
My motto: If a partner doesn't say that they love you.... LISTEN TO THEM!!!!
Good luck...
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (9 January 2015):
Dear OP,
If you say "I love you" and that other person doesn't say "I love you too" back.. then that's basically already an answer. It means that they are having serious doubts about their feeling at least.
If you ask if he loves you and he replies with THAT, this is a clear "no".
No he doesn't love you. He may have feelings for you (also sexual desire), but he doesn't genuinely care about you the way a boyfriend would. He doesn't appreciate you in a loving way. He's the kind of guy that is too comfortable with having an available girl that fulfills his needs and doesn't ask for much, but he's not truly committed. He doesn't know what he has.
I fully agree with Tisha, don't be too available. IF he loved you, being available would be great, I'm not telling you to play hard to get. Just.. if he doesn't care, it's a waste of time and energy to be there for him all the time.
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reader, malvern +, writes (9 January 2015):
 If he really loved you he would tell you or most certainly show it. When you say he can't keep his hands off you that doesn't necessarily mean love, it is more likely to mean lust I'm sorry to say. Don't cling to him so much, try to distance yourself a bit and give him something to chase. It is only human nature to chase after something that is running away from us and your guy sounds a bit complacent about you, he knows he's got you, he doesn't have to try. Make yourself busy with other things and spend less time with him. Hopefully he will come chasing after you. It'll do both of you good.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2015): I agree with Tisha. Just by the way he said "that ain't no secret," almost condescendingly it seems. No, he may not be able to keep his hands off of you, but he certainly does not love you. In my opinion he's just looking for a booty call/ fuck buddy. No one that loves someone would act that way towards them. I'm very sorry. It would definitely be better to move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2015): It doesn't sound like it. For a couple of reasons. He acted completely unimpressed when you told him you love him. His response was comparable to a yawn followed by an eye roll. If he loved you back, I think he'd be excited about you saying that. And he would certainly let you know he feels the same way. If he loved you, he would not pass up the opportunity to let you know.
He probably can't keep his hands off of you because you let him get his rocks off with you. Just because he has sex with you does not mean he loves you.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 January 2015):
No, he doesn't love you. He likes you a lot and doesn't want to lie to you but he does not feel the same way you do.
If this is confusing for you or upsetting, I'd take some time away from whatever relationship it is you have going with him. It sounds as though you two are physically intimate; unfortunately you want more emotional connection with him and at this point in time, he's not sharing those feelings of love.
Don't be so available, stop chatting on line or by text with him, and let him know that you aren't going to stick around if he's not as into you as you are into him.
And no, he does not love you. Sorry.
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