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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend tells me that he loves me less when we have an argument. In fact, I am not really sure that he does love me.I have had some difficult relationships and I want this one to work because I love him so much and we do get on very well and really enjoy the time we have together.The other day, we had a major agrument where he told me that if I didn't want to lose him I would have to make sure that I never started arguments again. He also said that he didn't love me and wanted me to leave (He owns the house, so he can throw me out which adds to my insecurity). He was so cold and nasty, it was hard to believe it was the same guy.The next day he said that he did love me but he had planted the seed of doubt in my mind. However, I have been too frightened to say anything.Perhaps yesterday I did start an argument but it was unintentional and only because I have been so unsure about him loving me. He got stressed again and this time said he didn't know if he loved me. When he is calm, he says that he does but it does make me wonder now.What else can I do to show him I love him? I work for him, try to keep the house nice, am affectionate and loving. He has said for me to prove that I love him but what else can I do?I am scared to talk with him and express myself in case it results in an argument and he will get angry and tell me to leave and/or that he doesn't love me. He is under a lot of stress with his business.Please help. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2005): It sounds to me that you are in a somewhat controling relationship. He has the house, he employs you, he decides when it is OK for you to and not to express your feelings .....seems as though he makes all the decisions here. As my Mother has always told me ..."why buy a cow when you get the milk for free"!!! ..........and it seems as though he is taking great advantage of this.My suggestion to you is this ........get your own job and start doing things for yourself ......not for him. You need to become the independent and successful woman that you have the ability to be. ......not to mention the mere and simple fact that you also need to be taking care of yourself and not just physically but emotionally too.By doing these things, you will become more "attractive" and at the same time ..... by gaining some real independence realize whether or not the relationship you are in is a healthy one and what you truly want in life.
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