| A
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I hate to be 'one of those women', but I don't understand why I feel this way. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now. We both have one child from previous relationships. He a daughter (4) and I a son (3). We have also been living together for about 10 months. He is divorced and shares custody of his daughter 50/50. Obviously I do know and understand that you miss your child when they are away and want to give them the world. I don't believe my feelings stem from jealousy. This is why I'm asking what I should do. We get his daughter Thursday thru Sunday afternoon. However, when she comes to our house it seems like I'm obsolete. As if I'm only good for cooking, cleaning, and bathing the kids. My boyfriend treats his daughter who is only 4 more like a gf than I! I don't say anything because I know they are close, but I truly believe him and I cannot get closer because of this. He allows her to sleep with us when I try and teach my son to stay in his own bed. He is always kissing her and cuddling her. Having in-depth conversations with her. When I can't even get him to say hi to me when I get home. At the dinner table he is leaning toward her and only conversing with her 90% of the time. I am always very pleasant and put forth the effort to go above and beyond for this relationship. I don't and will not just sit and be a bump on a log. If I try and have a conersation with him about anything when his daughter is around she will tell me to leave her dad alone and back talk me. Please bear in mind she is very mature for a 4 year-old. He is great with my son I do admit, but feel as if he cannot love another person besides his daughter. I'm always good to his daughter and she really is a great girl, but why am I sacrificing a real relationship because he thinks his daughter would feel neglected if he showed me more love and affection?! It's just odd to want to be with someone, but then not give them the time of day. What should I do?
View related questions:
divorce, jealous, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): I concur.
This child needs to learn respect and discipline now, early, or else when she gets to the age where its virtually impossible to do so anymore, any attempt to teach her respect will fail.
She will grow up thinking the world owes her something, using her father's affection to get anything she wants. Abusing his trust because she never learned there are consequences for her actions.
You need to sit down and talk to this guy about it. Don't make hi choose, because his child will win out every time, just note your concerns that letting her show disrespect for elders of any kind without consequences or punishment will harm her in the long run and you just want her to grow up to be a well-round kid. And that you want just a tiny bit of his attention, even when she's there because he cannot base his entire life around kids.
Flynn 24
A
female
reader, LLindy87  +, writes (8 October 2010):
 What does your boyfriend do when his daughter back talks you and says "leave my dad alone"? If he sits there quietly...that is weird.
It sounds like he is a loving father but maybe more of a friend to his daughter than an authority figure. If you two are living together you have a right to talk to him about the way his daughter and your son should behave, talk about rules for the kids. Because if you don't do this now, when you marry this guy it will also be hard for your son later on when he favors his own kid over his step child.
When his little girl smarts off to you saying stuff like 'leave my daddy alone' why don't you put her in a time out. If your boyfriend gets mad, that is the time when you should say something. Be like "thats not appropriate behavior for a child, it wasn't respectful and she needs to learn a lesson." If anything, the kid will respect you more and stop the back talk. If your boyfriend can't see that disciplining a child is for the betterness of his kid then do you really want this guy around your kid?
All I think you should do is step up, talk to him about this and when she acts out do that time out thing or at least tell her to apologize to you for her bad behavior. If your boyfriend can't see your side then is he really worth this trouble?
...............................
|
