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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: When my boyfriend of 5 years gets drunk says like im ugly, I need to lose Weight and many more. One night we went to a night club and he got drunk (again) and started hitting the waitress in front of me. When she left, I give him hell. He told me that needed to loosen up. My friends think I leave him because I get so upset (I usually go and stay at of one there houses after our bar nights) our after bar nights. When he's sober he treats me like gold. Should I listen to them?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): Do you really want to be with a man who drinks,is abusive AND cheats?? What kind of a life is that? And cheating with your friend? He isn't a man, honey, he's a jerk. Do you have friends or family who will help you? It must be so terrible for you and you said you have a very small baby, but this just isn't a good living situation for you, dear. Only you can decide if you love him enough to stay with him, but it won't be an easy life for you if he continues acting the way he is. Please think about the future of your child and yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI leave left work early cause I didn't feel well. And I caught him doing my best friend (now my pregnant ex best friend). Here's a suprise he drunk again. We also have 3 week son (I forgot to tell you that part sorry) whos very needy. Should I leave him?
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (17 October 2008):
 It is very difficult for people to change their basic behavior patterns. This sounds like something which will just get worse as he gets older. Get out now.
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female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (17 October 2008):
 You need the answers to some questions before you make a decision:
Do you love him and does he love you? If the answer to either is "no", then your decision is simple.
Does he realise how he behaves when he is drunk? Does he regret it when he is sober? Does he want to change?
If the answer to all of those is "yes", then there is a chance - just a remote chance - that it can be sorted out. This sort of behaviour, alcohol related, is not uncommon. Unfortunately, for many people the only answer is to avoid alcohol altogether and that's not easy to do. He, and you, probably need help from professionals.
My thoughts would be that you shouldn't give up on a five-year relationship without at least trying; but you certainly don't want to spend the rest of your life always scared that he's going to start behaving that way again. Give it a try - but face up to the possibility that it may never work out.
GOod luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): you could try and help him but you can't really change men i would leave him
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): LEAVE. You deserve to be treated with respect all the time and anything less is just simply not worth it. When you're being hit it means he sees you as something less than what you are: a human being. It's not worth it, hon. Find a man who doesn't hit you or others. Love just simply isn't enough.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): Do you really want to live your whole life with someone like this? It sounds very scary. What if in his anger he turns on you? Aren't you afraid of that? I know I would be. That's great that when he is sober he's good to you..but what about all the other times when he's drunk? I don't think you are living in a very nice environment and god help you if he turns on you! I think you should get out dear. This isn't safe.
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