A
female
age
30-35,
*diaz0391
writes:I see that i have a lot in common with most of you girls. I just found out that my 1 yr. and half boyfriend who i have a 2 month baby with cheated on me. while he was in Dominican Republic visiting his mother. He left me being a month pregnant and by myself and but i didn't mind because i trusted him with my life. But now 4 months later i found out that he cheated on me with a girl from my neighborhood ! and i found out because she's pregnant and when to ask for his # at my family's house, I devastated i have never felt so hurt , betrayed , disappointed. When i confronted him about this girl he swore to me it was a lie but i knew it wasn't deep inside me i knew he was lying. It took me about a week to get out of him that he slept with her . I'm super hurt ! She believes that shes pregnant of him... but he tells me no ! but i don't even know that to believe any more. i told him i was going to forgive him and that we had to work things out because we live together and we have a beautiful baby girl to raise. but the honest truth is that i dont know if thats going to be possible !! when he gets near me and try to kiss and look for me all i can imagine is him cheating on me with her ! what should i do ? should i even bother to forgive him?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (9 October 2010):
Hi there. Whether you decide to stay together, really depends on how you feel for each other.
Yes, he was unfaithful with this other girl, and now she is apparently pregnant to him (maybe), so this doesn't help things either.
It all comes down to trust. Any trust you had before has now been shattered.
It's possible that his freedom felt threatened, the moment he realized you were pregnant to him. You are both very young still, and most young people your age would be going out with their friends and having fun and enjoying life. This doesn't seem to be what's happening with you. He realizes that his other friends are doing exactly that, and he feels the loss of not being able to do this anymore himself.
This would probably explain why he kind of "broke out" of the trap he felt he was in, and just slept with this girl while he was out of town. In other words, an escape from the hassles of life. When people have problems, sometimes they feel the need to escape into many different things - drugs, alcohol, gambling, casual sex, affairs, becoming a workaholic, internet surfing, internet pornography, and probably many, many more as well. I feel it's pretty safe to say, that's exactly what he's done.
If you hope to be close with each other again, you are going to have to put the picture of him being with her completely out of your mind. It won't be easy, but you need to do this. Just try to wipe it from your memory altogether.
Remind yourself that it is history now, and can't be changed and then learn to just accept it and then move on. Then slowly over time, try hard to build up trust with him again.
If you feel uncomfortable about kissing him, just don't do it until you feel more trust towards him. It's going to take time, but if you love him, it will be worth it to try to work things out.
Whatever you do, don't nag or criticize him or get angry or upset. Instead, treat him with love and respect and be supportive and stay positive always.
Having a young baby is a very big responsibility for you both, so it's a big adjustment for both of you to make it work plus have a great relationship with each other as well. Worth the effort, just the same.
Once you build up trust again towards him, then have a bit of discussion about where you both feel you want to go from here. This does need to be talked about, because you both need to know where you stand on all this. You need to be very clear on what lies ahead. You yourself, need to know how he is going to support you and your baby as well - financially as well as emotionally.
Good luck, take care and best wishes.
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