A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How often do most couples argue? How do you know when the arguments are too much--when they're a sign that, even though you love each other, you need to move on?If you have a terrible, horrible argument--yelling and crying--that's not even ABOUT anything ... and the same thing happens multiple times in the course of several months ... like maybe every couple of months almost ... and it takes you a whole day to really be friendly with each other again, and maybe even 2 or 3 days to really get back to 'normal' ... do you end things? Is it fixable? What does it take?What is it all about when couples end up in huge, destructive arguments about nothing? When they really still feel like they love each other and don't want to hurt each other.When does a fight mean you just need to end things?
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male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (7 February 2007):
 It takes two to argue. If you're both yelling and screaming at each other, not much gets accomplished . . . only hurt feelings. Have you ever tried rational conversation?
What exactly are you fighting about? Is one person trying to control the other?
People often reveal their true nature when they're in the midst of an argument. If that side of the person doesn't appeal to you, it might be time to put an end to the relationship. You have to decide when enough is enough.
A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (7 February 2007):
 It's perfectly normal for couples to argue and I personally know couples who have been together 30 years who have huge arguments. However, if they become physically violent then the relationship should end immediately. However, a large part of arguing, especially in the early years of a relationship, is about getting yourself heard. After all, there are two separate personalities in a relationship and they don't always know what the other one needs. The best way to avoid arguments is by good communication so that things are dealt with BEFORE an argument erupts and gets out of hand. Make a rule between you that you will say what's bugging you when it arises and not wait until it's built up into a huge resentment. Learn to properly listen to what the other person is saying. For example, saying 'you're always home late' could be saying 'I love you and miss you and I'm worried you don't want to be with me'. Try to work out together anything that's bugging either of you and you'll find the arguments will hardly ever happen. Sometimes one person is actually stressed or worried about something outside the relatioship, like work for example, and they lash out at the person closest to them because they have to keep a rein on their emotions at work. Again, if you discuss WHY arguments happen you're half way to solving them. In summary: arguments are normal if they don't get out of hand and once every month or so is not worrying. Work on communicating your feelings to each other and even those will slowly disappear. Good luck!
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