A
female
age
30-35,
*l-joven
writes:Hi everyone,Background: He and I have been together for a little over a year. I now believe that he is the one I want to marry and spend the rest of our lives together. I have enough reasons to believe this. The thing is, we have not seriously discussed it. I am serious about wanting to marry him, but I am absolutely not in a rush - I would like to wait a few years! Only lately (past 1 month) he has been sending "signals" that he feels the same about me. He joked about buying me my engagement ring at Wal-Mart. We joked about how he has to cook and I do dishes when we get married. We have talked about our future, sometimes including each other... this one is a little fuzzy. We talked about sharing the same church. We have gotten even closer than ever since our 1 year anniversary. 1) I heard that a guy actually knows that he wants to marry a girl quite early on, but he does not admit it and waits for a while to pop the question. Is that true? If so, how long does it normally take a guy to realize that he wants to marry his girlfriend? Does a year sound reasonable?2) Based on my background info, what do you think about our situation? AKA do you think he wants to marry me? I understand that you may not be able to answer this question.3) Do you think he will freak out if I tell him bluntly that I want to marry him someday? Is there a gentler way to do it? What if I go as far as asking him if he wants to marry me someday?Thanks soo much for your time!
View related questions:
anniversary Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): Who knows?I dated my wife once. Yeah, just one date. We took a walk in a park on some trails together.Then she asked me to have dinner with her at a local restaurant which it turned out that we both liked and had been to before.Then, I went home with her that night to watch TV (I didn't have a TV and she liked nature shows) after we had dinner together, I stayed, and we have been together since, almost 20 years.There was something different about her on that walk, mostly from the talking we did, and when I walked into her apartment I felt at home, and she seemed to be what I was looking for, just from the way her apartment was set up and the stuff she had (and what she didn't have).We have had our problems, but we have been physically apart from each, other than job time during the day, very little in that time.Doesn't work for everyone, you gotta figure out what works for you.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 June 2011):
 I recently read a poll in Cosmopolitan, on what makes men propose. These are the alternatives and results:
1% : because she gave him an ultimatum
6% : he's ready to have children and wants to be married first
31% : the rest of his life is in order (job, money)
62% : she did something amazing that made him realize he wants to spend the rest of his life with her
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2011): there's no blanket answer as every person is different. their views about marriage and how sure they are depends on their personality, their life experiences, their relationship experience, how self-aware they are, their views based on the culture and society they grew up in etc.so I don't think it's true that guys know early on if the girl is the one they want to marry. For some guys it's true, for others it's not. Some people are just more cautious about making major life changing decisions and need a long long time to see that a relationship does stand the test of time before committing to marriage. On the other hand I know plenty guys who knew very early on that they wanted to marry the girl, and they ended up getting married...and then years later ended up getting divorced (that's how it was with me and my ex-husband...he knew very early, on the second date in fact, that he wanted to marry me...8 years later we were married....and after another 12 years we were divorced)I think a guy only knows early on if he wants to marry this girl, if he's already had the experience of several other long term serious relationships that didn't work out and has learned a lot about himself and what he wants from a partner and what he is capable of bringing to the relationship and what his deal breakers are. Stuff like that. It's hard to know this when you're still very young.I think that you're still very young so you shouldn't feel pressure to have a marriage partner lined up for the future yet. It sounds like you know you don't want to get married now for sure, but it still sounds as if you want reassurance that this guy will be there to marry you when you are ready. I say, just let it go and enjoy the relationship as it is, in the stage that it is at (because relationships go through different stages naturally)and don't worry about the future. Just let the relationship develop naturally. You are both still very young, and you've only been together a year. Anything can happen in say, 5 years. You may change your mind about him, he may change his mind about you, despite how "real" the feelings today are. Or it may be that your feelings do get stronger and you do end up getting married. just don't think so far down the road because that can get in the way of the present relationship.whether he freaks out or not if you tell him you want to marry him some day: in my opinion, I would think it depends on the words and attitude you have when you tell him. If you're just stating a fact of how you feel today and dont' have any strings attached to it or make it a big deal and are laid back about it then I think he won't freak out. But if you make it this earnest outpouring of future hope and expectation, if your revelation to him comes with strings attached. that may freak him out because that puts pressure on him. He may be very happy with you today, but pressure and expectation can kill the mood of a relationship in general.so I think it'd be fine to tell him, if you do it casually and in a laid back way and if the opportunity arises. But if you make a big deal of it, and initiate a conversation just to talk about it, I think that's a bit premature and could freak him out.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (29 June 2011):
 I don't think he'll freak out if you talk about marriage as he's already joked about it a few times. He'd tip toe around the topic of marriage if he had no interest in it. Just make some playful jokes (hints) about marriage yourself and when the time is right and you're both feeling all lovey dovey- that's when it'd be a good idea to talk about marriage on a more serious note.
...............................
A
male
reader, Partyboy123 +, writes (29 June 2011):
 Hey,1) I dated a girl for 5 months, and i was sure i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, and marry her (but i also fall really hard), things took a turn for the worst and we broke up, blah blah... it takes at least 4-6 months to get to know someone and decide these things, so i assume for guys its within the first year (was for me)2) Sounds like he does, but isn't willing to admit it and make things awkward, which i don't know why he would think that haha! i would love to make sure my girlfriend knows i want to marry her, it would be cute and sweet!3) In all honesty, no matter how you tell him, if i were him, and you told me in any way, i would feel so loved and flattered, i would feel as right as rain! i would feel complete! you can be bold about it, cute about it, sneaky about it, mysterious about it, either way, you are saying you want to spend your life with this person...asking him to marry you one day is also REALLY cute! also, after 2 years of dating, it is pretty obvious why he is staying with you, things are good, and he definitely wants to marry you too!Hope I helped!Cheers!
...............................
|
