A
female
age
36-40,
*leudancer
writes:I've been dating this guy for a little over 4 months now. We both work full time jobs and I go to school full time and he's always doing something that takes up a bulk of his free time too. We see each other maybe 2-3 times a week for a few hours at a time.The honeymoon phase just ended for him. Things were going great until about two weeks ago. He's been really busy with a couple of the extracurriculars he's involved in, which I understand because he is really excited about these things but it's really taking away from the time I get to see him. Unfortunately the honeymoon phase hasn't worn off for me...I've already mentioned to him that I need more attention from him (not nagging or anything, but I believe in being your true self and if that's what I need, that's what I need!) and he hasn't really been working on it much. He's out of town and didn't really let me know until a couple of days beforehand and that was a little strange to me. I don't expect him to give me a detailed list of what his plans are, by no means, but I think it would have been nice of him to say something along the lines of "hey, I'm going out of town this weekend but I want to do_____ with you when I get back!" =(I know I can't expect perfection he, which I'm not at all anyway but boy, I would like it if he were more attentive to me. At what point do these things happen? When do I become a priority? (not asking for 1-5 here, but in the top 10 would be great as of now!) How can I express this again without having to say it again or pulling away (both of which I don't want to do)? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 If you never was his priority you never will be either. These things don't "happen", nor should they "go away". Honeymoon phase or not, if you are in a relationship you must prioritize that relationship, always. If not it sounds like he might not have the time for a relationship! I would prioritize a relationship and put it next to other things that come first (that's right, a relationship is up there in the top 3, challenged only by work and family). That is the way you should do it. Prioritizing doesn't mean you have to drop other things, it just means that you must make time for it, show the person you care for them, give them what they need, and BE THERE. Prioritizing the relationship, to me, means that if there is a time where I will be very busy I make up for it by doing other things for my partner. Such as writing cute texts, or letters, phone calls if we can't see each other, plan a lovely date afterwards to have something to look forward to etc. Then make up for it when I have the time again. If I can tell you my honest opinion, when he left town without telling you he didn't prioritize the relationship. Leaving town wasn't the problem here. The problem was that he didn't even bother telling you. How far up the list of priorities do you have to be to deserve a simple phone call or text message? Perhaps you can ask him that. Unfortunately, like I started saying, if he hasn't put you on his list of priorities by now you won't be on that list later either. Then again, watch out for this common misunderstanding between men and women: most guys show their love and affection through other means than a woman does. It could be he is doing things for you, or thinks he is doing things for you, that you are not aware of, or do not see as a sign of affection from him. You and him need to communicate better to make sure this isn't what is happening. You must also be very clear on what exactly it is you need from him in the relationship.
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