A
female
age
36-40,
*ellybeans20009
writes:It's a little bit of a story. Thanks for bearing with me.So...it's been a little over 6 months, or half a year, since my ex boyfriend dumped me. A little info on what we were: he was my first boyfriend and first everything. First kiss, first handhold, and I lost my virginity to him. We were together for two months. He ended it because he said he lost feelings for me. I still felt really strongly about him, more than I ever have for anyone in my life. So when it ended, it hurt really bad. I think I said at one point that I could feel it hit me in my chest.The messed up part about it was that he tried to contact me after three months of the breakup asking how I was. I never heard from him after that. Even later, he asked to have dinner with me, and when i agreed he didn't call me afterwards and said he had forgotten. Thereafter I told him that we shouldn't talk after a few more months.A part of me realized that this was because I would never be able to be friends with him anyhow. The other part was because I was mad as hell. Even later, he sent me another text the night before new years wishing me a happy new years and apologizing but he said he always wanted to do this. I sent him one back but a few days later reminded and explained that I needed more time before we could try to be friends.I read that the strongest medicine you can give yourself is time. It's been six months, so why am I still checking up on his facebook? Whenever I see him add another girl I wonder things like how many girls has he slept with or did he find someone he genuinely liked this time? Or did he not manage to find anyone? It's a lot masochistic, and I don't know why I'm so weak like this. I was doing fine a few months ago, but now I'm in a rut and this is like my crack cocaine.I already defriended him on facebook, the way, but I can still see his wall.So when do I stop caring? Some people scare me when they tell me stories of how it took them 30 years to get over their first. I don't want to spend most of my youth mourning over him. Though I think having this relationship was so important to me in my life and I learnt a lot...I've sort of made myself come to the conclusion that he was a little bit of a jackass. I wonder if that's the right way to get over someone...to just admit that they were never as perfect as you thought they were?Advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): i think you should try to remember him as a trickster or someone who don"t have feelings for others.i know its very hard to forget one"s 1st love,but you should thank god so that he did not came into your life.you deserve someone who really understands you.its very sad to have breakup,but at least you were you did not has him as your husband.life is full of troubles and happiness.this was a disaster for you.you are a young girl,there are plenty of man who may come into your life.hope someone who is very loving come into your lie & brighten it.and remember,your love is to come(will come),he was your first unlucky relationship.cheer up,many of us face this problem,but life always go on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): When my husband left me I would constantly put his name into the computer to see who he was with and what he was doing work wise and it became as you say a drug. After about 6 months I eventually accepted that he was never coming back and made a chart and everyday I didn't look I gave myself a tick and at the end of the week I gave myself a little treat for not contacting him. I went to the GP and he told me that it takes 3 months to be able to move on and not spend every minute thinking about the person. I think it takes quite a bit longer but we are all different.As you say time is the healer here and we all heal at different times. He was your first love and that will always be special. Look at him as Aunt Honesty says as a practice run. You are very young and you will meet hundreds of men going forward. First things first, block him from facebook with immediate effect. Concentrate on yourself and your career and meeting new people - as soon as you meet someone else I promise you you will not even think about this guy again. It is very good to think of him as a bit of a jackass, anything that reinds you that he wasn't perfect is good. Break the cycle and you will start to feel brighter.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 January 2011):
 Ok yes time is a great healer but in that time you need to try and move on if you keep checking his Facebook page time is not going to make any difference because you are still looking him up and you need to break this habit in order to move on. If you dont trust yourself to stop checking up his wall then block him from facebook so that you wont have a chance to keep checking it. Yes its a hard decision to make but its the right one in order for you to move on.
Off course it was your first love, your first everything and yes it does take a while to get over first love, but you will get there eventually. But you need to erase him out of your life completely and keep yourself busy. Go out with friends, pick up new hobbies, the trick is to keep yourself busy and your mind of him, and then yes through time you will heal.
Yes it is good to accept him as a jackass and tell yourself that he is not the perfect guy for you. This will help you through difficult times. Just remember you are still young and there are plenty of single men out there who would treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Accept that he wasnt the man for you.
Look at it as an experience and learn from it, look at it as a practice run for getting to your ideal man. Remember many girls have to date many guys until they find there Mr. Right. Goodluck and all the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): im sure as your young you will eventually get over him , and if i was you just go out for nights, live a little ,party and stuff and youll soon forget about him , im sure soon youl find that mr, right x :)
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