A
male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. Any advice about my situation is much appreciated.To give some context, I'm 16 years old and have recently finished GCSE's, soon to begin studying an animal management course in college. Over the course of school, me and my best friend stuck together for what was near enough the entire 5 years in school. As she has decided to pursue a course in a different college, we will be unable to see each other every day like we did throughout the school years (We will be able to maintain contact, and meet-up more frequently).About two years ago, she seemed to be showing clear signs that she liked me (brushing past, eye contact, asking to meet up frequently, etc) and I felt the same. I decided to tell her how I felt, but she replied that she would prefer to stay as friends for now. After this, we still remain friends, but she showed these 'signs' less than she did before I told her my feelings.Jump back to the present, and after GCSE's finished she has begun to show these telltale signs again. After two years I still feel the same about her (At the time I felt almost depressed about the rejection; this has died down more recently, but I still feel bad about it sometimes).I keep asking myself these same questions: Do the recent signs mean she does feel the same? Or am I misunderstood? Futhermore, I feel like a creep for still feeling the same way about her and feeling depressed about the rejection after two years, and I still feel unable to move on even though she said that she would prefer to stay friends for now two years ago. I feel self-conscious about whether or not feeling this way is normal or if I really *am* a creep for it.Again, any help or advice about my feelings is much appreciated, and thank you for taking the time to read this far.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (26 July 2019):
 I have no idea why you would even think you are a "creep", just because you still feel for this girl. We cannot change our feelings but we CAN control our actions. "Creepy" would be would be something like pressing your attentions on her uninvited, or following her around and watching her without her knowing. You feel what you feel. Sadly it appears she does not feel the same way. Just as you cannot help feeling the way YOU do, she cannot help her feelings either.
You sound like a lovely young man, sensitive and loyal. One day you will meet a girl who will fall for you and want to be more than friends with you. You are starting a new (and exciting) phase of your life. You will meet other like-minded people on your new course. It is probably a blessing that you are going to be parted from your friend as this will give you both a bit of breathing space and enable you both to move on if you so wish. I would advise trying to make lots of new friends and, perhaps, not meeting up with your friend too frequently.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2019): Don't take the signs as meaning anything, there were signs before and she wasn't interesetd in a romantic relationship. It's not creepy to have feelings for someone. It is creepy to keep forcing them to reject you. I really feel for you and I think you're still feeling depressed because you haven't got away from the object of your affection. Some time and space would help a lot. I would strongly recommend you reduce your contact with her a lot when you go to your new college and give yourself time to heal and get over it. I don't believe you have to cut off a friendship but you do need to get some distance for now!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2019): Let her come to you if and when she is ready and don't pressure her but don't wait around either.
As a woman now 51, I can tell you that, like many women, I have been pressured by men all my life, ever since puberty (about 11 years) onwards. Every single boy or man that I thought I could just be friends with ALWAYS wanted more. I cannot tell you how depressing this is for a woman when it happens over and over and over again. Far from it being flattering for us, it gets incredibly predictable and very, very disappointing. Many women simply want to be treated with respect for their intelligence and personality and not be continually assessed as a potential partner or in terms of what the man 'may be able to get' from us if he pressures us.
The greatest gift you can give this girl is to let her know and remember that there was always at least one guy in her life that treated her with absolute respect. So many boys and men cannot even give a woman that basic level of treatment. It can only make her respect you more and, if there is any attraction on her part, she will really find ways to tell you clearly. Don't wait around - don't be that weak guy that can't move on - but don't pressure her or look far into things that she says and does. Don't start treating her mean either. Just be her friend. You don't know how many women like me would love to look back and remember that there was at least this one guy who understood that as being important. And no, you are not creepy, but maybe you feel a little like that because you don't know how to behave about this, or what is best. If you don't do what is respectful then yeah, your behaviour could become creepy in the longer term
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 July 2019):
 But where did these ‘signs’ get you two years ago?
You’re best friends and she feels comfortable with you, it’s easy for those to be misread as romantic signs when they aren’t. I think if she liked you back she would of clearly told you when you brought up your feelings. Unfortunately she doesn’t feel the same and I’d be very surprised if she had changed her mind.
I think you’re hurting your own chances of moving on here by keeping in contact, you’re always hoping that things will change and think if you stick close by enough then they will do. There’s been 5 years for you to get together and you haven’t don’t which means it’s more than likely never going to happen.
Unless you meet someone else or go your separate ways then you’ll never get over this girl. This ISNT a friendship. Her feelings are strictly platonic and you’re infatuated with this girl, that is a recipe for disaster.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2019): No, you're not a creep at all! It's okay if your feelings haven't changed; but you also have to respect the boundaries that she has set.
You can misread what you may think to be signals indicating that she has changed her mind; but females touch and caress out of affection. It doesn't have to be romantic in nature. If you're crushing on her, any contact will be perceived as her trying to send you signals that she's into you romantically.
As males, it is important for us to learn how to take "no" for an answer. If we express our feelings, but a female says she only wants to be friends; we must respect that. Regardless of our feelings. We have the option to move on; or to adjust our feelings to fit the situation. You seem to be doing that pretty well. It is important to practice self-control. You are not entitled to have everything you want, just because you want it.
A little voice inside your mind may tell you she doesn't really mean no; but she shouldn't have to tell you over and over. It's respectful not to persist or force.
You have pride, and a sense of entitlement. It's natural in everyone; but these emotions can get out of control. It will make you want to ignore the rejection and insist on having what you want. That is wrong.
Being rejected hurts the pride, and the embarrassment after exposing our feelings can take the form of resentment; or you may decide to persist and continue to seek what you want. You may be seeking what you want in a subtle way; by trying to read more into her actions than may actually be there.
If you continue to seek a romance versus friendship; you place her in a very awkward and uncomfortable position. You might compromise the friendship; and she will be forced to say something that might hurt your feelings. Being rejected again could make you angry; and feel she's just leading you on, or teasing you. Which isn't the case; if she was totally honest with you all along. I know it hurts a little. That's fine. It's part of learning and taking more control over emotions that aren't appropriate for the situation. It's only good when someone returns the exact same kind of feelings.
She will be attending a different school, and this will help you to readjust your feelings. You will meet other girls, and she will meet other guys. You will still care very much for her; but your feelings will revert totally into friendship. Get used to seeing her a little less; to give your brain and heart a chance to reprogram your feelings.
We grow-up and we move on. Things change, and you have to learn to be adaptable. That's how we mature to become men and women.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2019): You aren't a creep for feeling the same way. You were given a boundary and you did not cross it. That's the epitome of Not Being A Creep.
But. You need to ask yourself if it healthy to maintain a relationship as friends when you don't want to be friends.
It's not basic to say that you don't want to be friends, that you want more and that because of this you want to break contact. It's harsh but fairer in the long run to you both. You won't have a reminder of this person who doesn't feel the same, and can pursue other relationships, and she will have a better perspective on the boundaries she shouldn't cross when you've told someone you just want to be friends.
Now is a good time as you will be moving in different circles, you don't have to be explicit, you can just fade her out if that's what you prefer.
In general trying to be friends with people you like romantically rarely works. It's quite a modern instinct to try to be bto show that you can transcend your basic instincts but ultimately everyone ends up less satisfied. Have friends who are women. Have girlfriends. Don't have friends who you wanted to be your girlfriend. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 July 2019):
 Nothing came of it two years ago, I don't think anything will now either. Her "signs" her USELESS in this circumstance.
I think she has decided that she rather keep you as a friend than pursue anything romantic. OR she would have told you that she feels differently about you now.
I think you need to let it go. And seeing her less might help YOU move on. Staying friends with her in hopes SHE might all of a sudden WANT to date you is not good FOR you. Because it means you are closed off from meeting someone who WANTS to be with you, not just be your friend.
Are you creepy for still liking her? No. But you do keep this friendship with her under "false pretenses". As you are hoping it will lead to more.
I think it will do you good starting up on your course at a different school. Good luck with that!
Maybe NOT spending so much time around her and meeting new people will make you SEE that there are PLENTY of girls out there. Pinning your "hopes" on just one who doesn't WANT to date you is not the best cause of action.
And it IS OK that she rather be your friend, you just REALLY have to ask yourself IF you are being a good friend to her. because you DO have ulterior motives.
Getting rejected is part of life, OP Let that go. It doesn't mean you weren't or aren't good enough, it just means SHE isn't the ONE for you. She won't be the last to reject you, and at some point YOU might be doing the "rejecting". Again, it's LIFE. Not everyone is going to want to BE with you, and YOU are not going to want to be with everyone who likes you either.
Time to move on, OP
Chin up.
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