A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When my husband or a man in a general fantasizes about doing sexual things with other women, does it mean that your husband loves/desires you less, or that he wishes you weren't around so he can fulfill his fantasies? Do men ever have fantasies about their wives/girlfriends? Our relationship is strong, we get along very well and we have a happy sex life, but sometimes I wonder about what he may be thinking and it bothers me to know he is fantasizing about someone other than me. He's not very open in this area because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings, so I wanted to know other people's insight on this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm actually quite shy and would be embarrassed to tell him about any fantasies I have. I know my husband would love if he came home and found me cooking in a thong and high heels, but I'm too nervous and embarrassed to do it. Sometimes I'm afraid maybe he will laugh at me, even though he has never laughed at me....just my own insecurities I guess. This will maybe be a subject that I will always struggle to get a grip on, even though I know all men and women do it and it's not such a terrible thing. I do however for some reason, feel that when a woman fantasizes about someone it's more innocent than when a man fantasizes about someone other than his partner, does this make any sense? Probably because my feeling is that women are more attached to their men and really only desire them even when they have a fantasy of someone else. Where as men like variety and do really desire other women. Thanks for everyone's insight on this.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 April 2008):
 He won't love you any less if he happens to notice that Girl A over there has big breasts or Girl B has a nice pelvis. He has eyes and he will notice women, and perhaps he will entertain thoughts about them; but it won't mean he will desire you any less. I know for a fact that women can also feel attracted for a man they meet or see in the street, and they might even undress him with their eyes, and that won't mean they love their husbands any less, or desire them less. So, in short, don't worry :-). Everyone has eyes and sex drive. Not everyone acts on those with another person.
We men can find the thought of having two women in bed for very simple reasons: we want to sleep with as many as possible, and we also want to feel that we're potent enough to satisfy a thousand at the same time. The sultans, califas, et cetera, were very eloquent in that respect. Now, please, don't take this to mean that every man will leave his wife, or girlfriend, or whatever. We can be perfectly happy with one single woman, and in an overwhelming number of cases we are. We can fall in love of one single woman and not desire any other. OK? What I described above was "the primal desire", not what every man does.
Do you have any fantasies? Why don't you try to share yours with him, so he will feel like sharing his with you?
Maybe your husband won't share his fantasies with you because he feels that would make sex with you "dirty". I can't know, really; this is just speculation.
In any case, don't sweat this small stuff. He loves you and won't desire you any less because of a woman that passed by.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your insight. I know in my head that what you all say is true, but my heart feels otherwise. You are absolutely right, I don't want to know who or what he is fantasizing about because I do agree I don't need to know that info and cause myself such destress...LOL. I know it doesn't mean that something is lacking in my marriage, but could it possibly mean that he will desire me any less because of his fantasies or love me any less? LOL.....Danielepew.....I keep laughing about that friggin post about the golf ball....insane. I wish he would let me in on any fantasies he has with me, but he won't and I don't know of a not so obvious way to get it out of him. I tried asking previously, but he doesn't tell me. I also tried asking him why guys find it so appealing to see two women together and he told me he didn't know and to ask someone who does know....see my problem?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 April 2008):
 Now, I'm not a man, so I can't speak for them, but I'm quite sure my husband and most men have fantasies about other women. I can name a few that I know my husband finds very attractive and desirable! But I know that he loves me and would never act on them other than inside his head. And he certainly doesn't desire me less. Well, he might desire me less when I'm grumpy or snippy or just generally being irritating, but that goes both ways... LOL.
I'm not his mind police; he's fully entitled to any fantasies he wants to entertain, provided they remain just that, fantasies. Well, I guess I help him with a few when he shares them...
I guess it comes down to trusting him.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (29 April 2008):
Oldersister said it just right. There's no reason for you to worry about this. Everyone has private thoughts, and, if you don't show them, that's called respect. It is human nature to notice how attractive another person is; it's a different thing if you act on them knowing you have a commitment with someone else.
The Sister just left something out: yep, men do have fantasies about their wives and girlfriends. Making those fantasies come true can bring a lot of spice to a relationship, provided they are "reasonable" (of course the fantasies should never be something as terrible as in the fake post we had the other day, about a golf ball that later grew to be a basketball :-) ). I just would like you to notice something: you say your husband doesn't tell you about his fantasies regarding you. That should change, perhaps, so that he could communicate with you regarding sex, and you could communicate your wishes to him, too?
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