A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is long so I'll try to set the details out clearly. I would like some insight, but no bad judgements please."Liam" is an 18 year old male.He doesn't trust anyone after continuous bullying and physical abuse from peers. The closest person to him, his dad, died in early 2010 of cancer, just a month before Liam's 16th birthday.Liam turned to alcohol, smoking and other things, but has now given up some 'other' things.He developed anger problems, yet concealed them until he started anger mamagement for it.He doesn't keep girlfriends very long because he can't trust.His two closest friends steal money from him and lie, but he feels that they've stayed through it so he might as well keep them, though he does not trust them.He has only trusted one person since, but she chose her on-off boyfriend over his friendship.His mom takes on any frustration {no physical} that his dad would have dealt with.Liam is always worried about losing friends or getting ones that'll betray him.He says "Overkill" by Colin Hay describes how he feels pretty accurately.He has locked away his emotions and has created an 'alter ego' where he acts like he doesn't care; has no feelings, has no heart left and has no hope.Practiced being like this ever since that he's got stuck in it and anxious about ever going back to before. He thinks that he has to act 'too cool to care' and keep everything to himself so he doesn't get hurt.Known him for about 4 months now and he's beginning to trust me. However, he's already mentioned that he's finding it hard to come to terms with how much he trusts me so far and how quickly it happened so he keeps separating himself, but face to face we have a lot of common ground and understanding.I was wondering what your take on the whole situation is what HE could do for HIMSELF {aside from therapy} to heal and learn to trust? I'm not asking because I want to do something for myself, just because I'm curious what other people's view on it is......
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2012): Hi there,Well done on being someone Liam can trust, and what you've been building the past 4 months. Please continue to be there for him, and don't let him down as so many people have done. Not only is he dealing with bullies and extreme grief dealing with the loss of his dad - the closest person to him, he also has all these other people around who have dropped him, or lie and steal from him, including his two closest friends. I would say the best is for him to start with the one that mattered most to him: dealing with loss of his dad - grief. He will go through the various stages of bereavement:1. Denial and Isolation2. Anger3. Bargaining4. Depression5. AcceptanceDo some internet research, there are lots of sites, including this one: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/ that discuss the stages, so knowing what they are, and getting through them will certainly help him going forward. This is something he could do for himself, aside for therapy, to heal.In terms of trust issues, Liam has been through a lot, but he is young with a lifetime ahead for him, and I'm sure as he builds on himself, grows as an individual and develops, he will find the confidence, self esteem and strength to make good choices, and to be more selective of the people in his life, be it friends, girlfriends, etc. He needs to be more discerning, and that wisdom will come with maturity and experience. As time goes on, his trust can be rebuilt with repeated positive experiences, like having you and other good people in his life and immediate circle. When the good people around him consistenly demonstrate their honesty, integrity and good intentions, they will earn his trust. From that, he can build on these meaningful relationships and learn to give, bond and risk feeling again. Wishing you both the best, and much happiness going forward.xxxx E
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012): Aside from therapy? Nothing. Really OP nothing at all. Because if a person doesn't want therapy it means they don't want to have to face these issues which means they're not going to be healed. It also means people that are that messed up but not willing to fix those things, saying you want to but discounting the only thing that will do the trick is not wanting to, are not relationship material either.
He's mentally ill OP and who wouldn't be after all he's suffered, it takes a long, long time and a hell of a lot of professional guidance to be able to deal with this kind of long term mental anguish. If he's not willing then nothing is going to change that. Therapy and time OP they're all that will work. He can only fix himself, and he can only do that by getting professional help to do that.
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