A
male
age
51-59,
*ostinLoveBraz
writes:Feels like I've fallen in Love for the first time in my life...but i've been married for over twenty years... It all started about five years ago (im 41 years old now)...my wife and I had been becoming too distant...it was more than the two of us growing apart, but rather the two of us realizing that we got married too young and that we really don't like each other that much. My wife would not acknowledge this truth and she denies it to this day...last September, i noticed someone at work for the first time (a 43 year old filipina girl)...i had no idea i could be attracted to someone like this...time went by and i could not shake it...i was even day dreaming about her and generating feelings for her simply from normal everyday interactions with her...i figured that my crazy high level of attraction to this girl was because of lust...so i decided to test it...i found a couple of willing participants...we enjoyed each other for a couple of months before i realized that I still could not stop thinking of this girl at work...i was mesmerized by her...so i stopped dating the willing participants and decided that this must be happening to me for a reason..i confronted the girl of my dreams exactly 3 months ago...told her that i've never been so attracted to someone that i could not stop thinking about her...that began a wonderful friendship...one thing led to another and we began seeing each other intimately...i fell totally in love..she admitted to the same...about two weeks ago...she said that things have gone too fast...she felt overwhelmed...didn't want to make a mistake in choosing me...she says she loves me and that she still wants to see me but not in an intimate way...i feel like she's put an end to us...i ache inside for her...what's wrong with me (other than being a pig for treating my wife this way)? Is this just a mid-life crisis or am I truly in Love? Has she wised up to the fact that im not worth the time? Is she testing me? Please help. LostinLove
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male
reader, appliance  +, writes (5 August 2014):
Dear LostinLoveBraz,
What happened after your last post?
A
male
reader, LostinLoveBraz +, writes (28 September 2007):
LostinLoveBraz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. My love and I met this morning. Just holding hands and snuggling. We are both so much in love with each other. It's always feels like we're childhood sweethearts when we are together. Our emotional and intellectual undersanding of one another is incredible as well. But she is currently dealing with guilt. She is so afraid of hurting others and I understand this. She is deeply rooted to her very large family and feels her commitment to her marriage extends to the rest of the family. She wants to continue seeing me and I her but I'm not sure how we are going to get through this. I'm willing to do what it takes to be with her. I've already spoke to my family about my marriage. They are in complete support of me and want me to be happy. I am currently with my wife for the sake of the kids and am slowly preparing my wife for the inevitable. I'm pushing her to get a full-time job so that she can support herself and improve her self-esteem. I do not know why I no longer feel guilt. I plan to emotionally prepare everyone involved so that i may set myself free in hopes that I can find happiness (with or without my current love).
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A
male
reader, rhino  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 you must talk to your wife,tell her how you feel,but if you are still unhappy,sounds like you are,but what you should do is dont jump into a another womens arm,leave your wife,be single for a while,you have got to sort yourself out,mentally.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): Hello, sorry for the situation that you are in.Yes, you have made some really poor decisions, and I do mean really poor, but you are human and humans make mistakes. You can still do the right thing now. That does not take away from the fact that you have done the thing to your WIFE that is the most ultimate betrayl. Before you continue to pursue things with the Filipino woman you need to settle things between your wife. You can not continue to have a wife and be in love with someone else and be actively pursuing her. This is not fair to anyone is the picture, you, your wife, your girlfriend, and I dont know if you have kids,but them too if so. The Filipino woman probably has realized that she ultimately can not be with a man who can do somehting like this to his wife. She probably really does love you but is imagining what you may do to her in future because of what your doing to your current wife. How would you feel if you were the unmarried one and your girlfriend was the one in a long-term marriage and she was having an affair on her husband with you? Would that not make you have some major doubts about what she may do to you if you end up marrying her? How would you feel if you found out that your wife was also having an affair, even though you dont love her you'd proabbly be devistated and have trust issues down the road. Please, figure things out with your wife before pursuing other women. She needs that respect so she is not wasting anymore of her time in this relationship as are you. She needs to be able to move one from you and find someone else so she can be happy too. One more question, are you sure you really are not in love with your wife, are you sure that you dont just need to reconnect and maybe some go to conseling to resolve the issues that are obviously there seeing as how it has led up to the point that it is at now. I really wish you the best of luck and hope you do the right thing.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (25 September 2007):
 I'd say you're probably scaring her by moving too fast. Because you've been starved for an emotional connection with someone, you rushed too quickly on this woman when you found her. Back up and give her some space. Telling anyone you're in love with them at the 3-month point is really too soon. There are still too many unknowns. You can remain friends for her, but no more "love" talk. Let things happen gradually without pushing for them, or acting desperate. In the meantime, work on filing for divorce from your wife so the two of you can legally pursue other people. This will also give your filipina gal a chance to see that she's not just a "fling" in this scenario and that you aren't going to run back to your wife after you've had your fun. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): I'm thinking she realized that having sexual relations with a married man is robbing herself of true joy from a loving, healthy, adult relationship based on trust, respect, integrity.
I'm glad she's smartened up some but she needs to totally turn into an iceberg and cut you out from her life completely.
You go around using other people for sexual gratification and still remain married; you will find yourself being used and will suffer heartache and unhappiness from making a poor choice.
Want peace? Happiness? Start being honest. Divorce the wife BEFORE you date.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): I adore the header to this post; made me grin.
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